Tripping On The Ladder

Sometimes the best advice comes from experts who can provide their professional perspective on any number of vexing challenges. If you have a question about a challenge you are facing in your professional life or during a time of transition that you’d like to “Ask the Experts,” please send an e-mail to editor@trippingontheladder. 

Q:
I’m going home for the holidays soon, and I’m worried about what to say to my parents and other relatives who ask about my job situation. I was laid off recently and I feel like such a failure, and I really don’t want to talk about it, even to well-meaning relatives.  

A:
We are experiencing an economic and employment downturn in our country and across the globe to rival the great depression of the 1930s. Unemployment levels have reached almost 10% in the United States.  Many hardworking and excellent employees are being laid off. Some companies that have never had a layoff in their history have initiated staff layoffs. 

While these facts don’t make your story any less unpleasant, those to whom you tell your story often have a sympathetic understanding of the situation.  But even with that said, I want to address two issues at the heart of your question: First, the idea that you feel like a failure, and second, what you say to family and friends about your situation.

Staff layoffs are most often determined by a lot of criteria other than someone’s performance. For instance, companies may eliminate entire functions or departments as a way to reduce expenses. Others may be required to balance demographically who is selected for a staff layoff. Still others may look at position expenses and decide to eliminate positions that are more highly compensated. And, there’s more. Organizations may look at where they have built in redundancies and may determine that in difficult times they will eliminate built-in redundancies. 

Unless you’re on the inside of the circle of decision makers in an organization, you really can’t determine what strategies are driving their selections for job eliminations. I encourage you to let go of calling yourself a failure and embrace the fact that you happened to fall within whatever strategy your company decided to use. 

Now second, what do you tell family and friends? A lot of the answer has to do with the strength of your relationships with those you will be sharing this news. Strong relationships—those that have weathered some storms—can handle tough or sad news about someone to whom they feel close. Be honest…share your feelings…speak from your heart first. 

Next, let the listener know what you really want from him or her. (I imagine this is understanding and support—but you may have something else to add). Then, thank him or her for listening. Avoid getting pulled into a diagnostic of what happened or what you’ll do now. 

But, parents often worry. So you may have one or two next steps in mind for how you’ll handle the next chapter in your life (i.e., Go back to school? Network with some colleagues? Have several informational interviews with ABC and XYX companies?)—just a few tidbits to share so that they know you’re thinking practically. 

So, this is a pretty easy formula to remember for sharing difficult news: 

1) Tell truthfully what happened.
2) Share your feelings and speak from your heart.
 3) Let the listener know what you need from him or her.
4) Have a couple of ideas in your back pocket—particularly for the folks. 

Thank you to our expert:

Julie Paleen
 Professional Coach and HR Consultant
Blue Star Group

Q: 
I went through seven years of college and graduate school, and $120,000 worth of education, to get to this point in my career. Lately, though, I’ve been feeling like I did all this work for a career I’m just not very excited about anymore. I feel so stuck. Please help.

A: 
Feeling stuck is a sign of being in the doldrums with your job and/or some aspects of your current life story. When someone is in the doldrums, he/she feels restless and sometimes bored. Often individuals experiencing these feelings jump to the conclusion that they are in the wrong career.  However, this conclusion may not be accurate. 

When you are in this stage you have two options.  First, ask yourself: “Can I make a mini-transition in my same career or life which will re-energize me?”

A mini-transition could include working for a different employer or changing locations and working for a new manager.  It may include asking to lead a project team or seeking a special assignment.

However, from time to time, individuals need to let go of the way things are and search for a new way of working or living.  In these cases, a mini- transition does not serve to re-energize the individual.  So, this leads us to our second option which is to plan for a new way of being. It requires that you take time to assess what “lights your fire” what interests and activities do you engage in or did you once engage in that cause you to get an adrenalin rush.  It is in this type of reflection that you will enable you to see your new beginning. 

Remember, you don’t need to throw out the “education out with the bath water.” All of your experiences will play a role in shaping your new future. Remember, everyone goes through the life stage that you are in: the doldrums. Don’t ignore it. Embrace it! By embracing it, you will find the next step to take which will be in sync with your passions and interests.

Thank you to our expert:

Julie A. Paleen
Professional Coach & HR Consultant
Blue Star Group 

  

Q:
I’ve been at my current job for five years and, over that time, became very good friends with a co-worker in a similar role in my department. Just recently he was promoted to a management role within the company. No one even approached me about applying for the position. I know I should be happy for my friend but I’m mostly just angry I was passed over for promotion. What do I do?  

A: 
There are several questions that come to my mind when I read your question:

1. Is your company an Equal Opportunity Employer? If they advertise as being an Equal Opportunity Employer, they must post every position at least internally for at least 7 days to allow everyone the opportunity to apply.
2. Although your co-worker has a similar role, there may be other reasons why your co-worker was chosen for the management position–such as education, experience and skills from previous employment.
3. If this is an employer that you plan to stay with, I would advise you to schedule a meeting with the hiring manager to get a better understanding as to why they chose your co-worker. Let them know that you are interested in obtaining a management position within the organization and would like to know what you need to do to in-line yourself for that promotion. What education, experience and skills will you need to qualify and meet the requirements of the management position? This will allow you to obtain the information you need to start getting yourself on the path towards that position, and at the same time inform the hiring manager that you are interested and gain his or her attention toward you for the next opportunity.

Thank you to our expert:

Rebecca L. Williams
Senior HR Consultant & Professional Coach
Williams Business Solutions

 

Q: 
When I interviewed for my job several years ago, I was interviewed, and ultimately hired, by the boss. But time has gone by, my original boss has retired, and I just found out that my new boss is a longtime co-worker and peer. How do I treat my friend now that he’s suddenly my boss? 

A: 
You have landed on one of the great workplace challenges. The situation you describe is very common and often results in conflict. To lessen the risk of conflict, I suggest that you and your new boss plan to discuss this change sooner rather than later. Here are three steps that you will want to take and have agreements around.

First, what about your relationship can stay the same?  What needs to shift?  These topics may include:
a) How you socialize or don’t socialize going forward;
b) What you discuss about work, employees, personal life; or
c) What new boundaries need to be established to ensure success in the reporting relationship?

Second, how will you convey these new boundaries to fellow employees? What do your co-workers need to know about how you and your new boss will shape your relationship going forward?

Third, how will you and he handle problems that may arise as a result of reporting relationship? (These are the problems that sneak up on you and that you may not be able to picture now.) For this, you need to have a pre-established game plan which should include ground rules about “letting things fester,” “bad feelings,” “ways to handle differences of opinions.”  

You may also want to have someone else facilitate the conversation where you and he structure your boundaries and establish your ground rules.  With the proper preparation and the good will of both you, you will have a successful working relationship. 

Thank you to our expert:

Julie A. Paleen
Professional Coach & HR Consultant
Blue Star Group