Tripping On The Ladder

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) April 28, 2010

Some of you may have wondered how I came by my moniker “Diva Nikki.” 

It’s actually not that I’m a diva in personality. I’m not a snob. I’m not a fashionista with 100 pairs of shoes. (Sadly, I tend to wear the same comfortable pair all the time.) And I’m certainly not someone who expects others to cater to my every whim.

The name is actually a nickname I was given by friends years ago because of what I do, not because of who I am.  You see, I’m a singer. I’ve been singing since I was about 3 years old…had my first solo at 5. It’s something I’ve always done, and done well. Though I chose not to make it my college major or my profession (a choice, by the way, I still look back at and wonder about), I’ve found plenty of ways to feed my passion for music. That includes a six-year stint as a chorus member in a local opera company, among other things. Being an opera singer doesn’t seem to be all that common among those in the average working world – thus, the nickname.

Unfortunately, there have been periods of my life where I’ve let that passion for music fall to the wayside. For instance, when my husband and I were full-time employees and full time MBA students, I had to let music go for a little while. And more recently, while my husband was in career transition I tried to focus more energy on keeping our household prospering than I did on my own interests.  

I think as women we have a tendency to put the needs of others before our own needs. We give so freely that sometimes we forget to take back a little bit of energy for ourselves.

As working women, too, it’s so easy to get caught up in being the “corporate” versions of ourselves that we forget the “real” versions.

And then, sometimes the right people and opportunities come along at the right time to remind you that YOU matter. Several months ago, I was invited to join the local symphony chorus. (Essentially, whenever the symphony wants to do works that include singing, they call us.) It had been a little while since I’d had the opportunity to do some real classical music. Handel, Vivaldi…  Quite frankly – I had forgotten that this is something I’m designed and trained to do.

As I started going to rehearsals, seeing old friends from my opera days, singing music from composers I love…my soul just opened up. As I would open my mouth to sing, it was like opening myself up to a pure joy I hadn’t felt in a long time. This was something just for me. Not something I should do. Not something I had to do. Not something that would help someone else. All mine.

This past weekend, I was honored to have the opportunity to appear as a soloist in our latest concert with the local symphony. I spent a good hour or so before the concert getting “diva’d” up. The hair, the dress, the makeup, even the jewelry. It was like putting on a persona. With each element, my inner Diva started coming back out. I remembered who I was. I felt confident, radiant, happy.  And as I walked out to the front of the stage during the concert, feeling the lights on me, the music swelling behind me, the anticipation of the audience…I knew I was right where I needed to be. My soul was at home.

What does this have to do with having a spouse in career transition, you might ask? 

Just this: Unleash your own inner Diva every once in awhile, whatever that means for you. Where does your soul feel most at home? Where do you feel like you’re doing exactly what you’re designed to do? Whether it’s on stage, behind a keyboard, in a pair of running shoes or in your kitchen – do it. Feed your own soul. By feeding your own passions and reminding yourself that you’re a unique, powerful talented person you’ll be better prepared to support others.

 My hair may be less curly today, my dress put away…but the Diva in me is still smiling. I hope yours will, too.

By Diva Nikki (interviewing her husband Brian) 
(c) March 31, 2010

Isn’t it amazing how men and women view the world differently? 

For any of you who read and remember Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, we often seem to be from another planet. So how does all this play out when a couple is in the midst of career transition?

In this two-part series, “He Said, She Said,” you’ll hear from both sides…and finally meet the amazing husband of your favorite Desperate Workingwife as I interview him for this article.

Part 1 – HE SAID: Transition from husband Brian’s perspective

Desperate Workingwife (DWW): What’s been the hardest thing about being in transition?

Brian: The hardest things about being in transition are the feeling of helplessness and the feeling of non-contribution.  Even with an active plan to find a new job, there is still only so much that I can control.  Since I’m not making a real salary, I feel like I’m letting the family down.

DWW: What’s been the biggest blessing?

B: The biggest blessing is the increase in free time.  There is extra time to bond with the cats, and to take care of a few things around the house.  Being able to score points with my wife by taking care of laundry and cleaning is nice.  I also have the ability to put some effort into pet projects and potential self-employment options.

DWW: What has surprised you the most during this time of transition?

B: I am surprised most by the length of the transition.  In good economic times, when a position is posted, HR professionals hope to find someone who meets about 75% of their preferred criteria.  During this transition I have been unable to get interviews for positions where I meet about 90% of the preferred criteria. It seems that there are so many people on the market that every position attracts multiple applicants who do meet 100%.  Along with the length of the transition, I am surprised by the lack of much tension at home.

DWW: In what ways have you worked to sustain your marriage during this time of change?

B: The way I work most to sustain my marriage is to be helpful at home. No matter how much time I am looking for a new job, there is always some down-time during the day. Some of this time is reserved for household chores that my wife would normally do.

Another way that I work to sustain the marriage is to try to keep my transition frustrations from dominating time spent with my wife.  She knows I am frustrated and I know she is frustrated.  There is no need to dwell on the frustration and ruin the night.  Dates at home and dates at inexpensive restaurants are nice ways of keeping romance alive while on a budget.

DWW: Where have you found information or support?

B: I have found information and support pretty much everywhere. Friends and family have been good sources of both. Networking groups and job-seeker support groups and industry association meetings provide support in different ways.  The key is to seek out multiple avenues of support covering different demographics to maximize the breadth of information.

DWW: What changes have you made in your household that you think have most helped you make it through the transition?

B: The revised budget probably provides the most help. By knowing what we can and can’t spend during the week, one large source of stress is removed. Knowing how long we can be okay financially allows me to focus on other areas.

DWW: What’s the first thing you’ll do when the transition period is over?

B: The first thing I will do is take my wife out to a nice sushi dinner and possibly a mini-vacation. Recovering our emergency funds will be a high priority, but showing my appreciation for my wife who has been totally supportive in my search will come first.

Stay tuned for next Wednesday’s edition of Desperate Workingwife, when the tables turn and husband Brian interviews Diva Nikki in “He Said, She Said” – Part II: The “She Said” Edition.

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) March 24, 2010

 Several weeks ago, I mentioned that I was blessed with a vacation to Walt Disney World with my husband and parents. In short: it was great!

Anyone who’s ever read a business book or journal is likely familiar with the fact that Disney. Does. Things. Well. 

They are a well-oiled machine of great customer service and experience perfection.

 While I was there, it struck me that there were actually some lessons to be learned at the Big Mouse’s House about being in transition.

It’s always better to wait less than your expected time than to wait more.
At each and every ride, there is a clever signage system (some now more high-tech than others) to let you know how long the wait is expected to be before you climb in a boat/honey pot/flying elephant and have an adventure. 

The cleverness is this: the time actually posted is always longer than your actual wait time. So when you wait only 20 minutes instead of the 35 you were expecting – you’re happy about it. If you’re in career transition, the lesson here is to be careful about setting timelines for yourself. It’s better to expect a long wait and be pleasantly surprised than to plan on a short wait and be disappointed.

Waiting is less unpleasant when you’ve got fun distractions to keep you occupied.
You cannot go to Walt Disney World and avoid being in a queue. It’s amazing how even at the airport, they begin preparing you to wait for absolutely everything you’re going to do, be it board a bus, go on a ride, make a trip to a restroom or dine at a restaurant. You absolutely will wait…and in an organized fashion.

Speaking of celebrating, Diva Nikki's parents celebrated their 43rd anniversary!

But – they are masters at providing great distraction while you’re waiting. Maybe it’s a fun video, or larger-than-life displays of toys or even replicas of “scientific” evidence that yetis really do exist. Whichever tactic – it works. Suddenly the wait seems less about aching feet and more about an engaged mind.

The lesson here is that while in career transition, try to find at least some amount of pleasant distraction while you wait. As Jenaissance pointed out in a recent article – time can be a gift. In addition to the hard work of job searching, be sure you throw in a little fun, too. It might just make you forget for a minute that you’re waiting.

Celebrate everything.
The theme this year at Walt Disney World is, “What will you celebrate?” Absolutely everywhere from the transportation to the restaurants, that theme was present.

"Celebrate Volunteers" dessert

My dessert plate at one of the restaurants even had “Celebrate Volunteers” stamped in chocolate. The mid-afternoon parades were about celebrating. When making dinner reservations online, there was even a spot to indicate what you were celebrating.

What’s the lesson here? Celebrate even the small things. Getting a job interview, finishing a project, even making a great new contact – spend at least a few seconds celebrating your accomplishment.

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) March 17, 2010

One of my favorite bands of all time is U2. I’ve borrowed the title of one of their more famous songs for this article.

While the subject matter of song and article are quite different, I think the title works well for both.

In response to my article asking for ideas and suggestions for this column, I got a great question from one of our readers:

“What happens to the column when your husband gets a job? I really enjoy reading your insights. I am going through this now with my husband, and it’s nice to hear other wife’s thoughts on how to keep it all together when it feels like everything is falling apart.”

What an excellent and timely question. You see, my husband has gotten a job. Well, sort of.

About a month ago, my husband got a job offer. Sort of. The “sort of” is that he was offered a position at a really great company…but it’s a temporary/part-time position. The person who offered the job – who, by the way, is a regular reader of this column – understood that it was well below his qualification level. (He’s got an MBA. The position was mostly for data entry help.) But she saw this as an opportunity to give my husband a chance to network, get an “in” at a company he would love to work for…and to be out of the house and not collecting unemployment.

At that moment, my husband could have done many things. He could’ve been insulted at the idea of doing work below his skill and knowledge level. He could’ve demanded more than what was being offered to him and made it about the money rather than the opportunity and intent. He could’ve let his pride get in the way. But he didn’t. In the name of love – for me, for our household, for our life together – he threw his pride out the window. He listened to the offer, saw it for the opportunity it was and said, “When can I start?”

Since taking the position, he’s certainly done his share of data entry. And he’s done it gratefully.  He also, however, has lent an enormous amount of continuous improvement, programming, logic and thought leadership to some important projects for the area he’s helping out. It hasn’t mattered to him what his paycheck level is right now. It’s mattered to him that he’s been able to help people and make a positive difference.

Does he hope this will lead to a more permanent position? Absolutely.

Is he holding back right now because he’s only a temporary employee making a lower salary? Absolutely not.

He’s making the most of this opportunity. 

I told you this article was about pride. But it’s not about my husband’s pride…or even the way he was able to set that pride aside to do something good for us. It’s about my pride… My pride in him for being a talented, wonderful person and husband who is willing to take a chance and accept an opportunity that we both hope will benefit him and our life together…someday.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 2, 2010

Each Christmas, I ask for the Life’s Little Instructions desk calendar for the coming year.

I love all the nuggets of wisdom it offers and I keep it on the counter in the kitchen “staging area” (the place where the mail and bills stack up and the cell phone charges) so I can glance at it often as I am going about my day.

Today’s “little instructions” calendar page really struck a chord with me—and I think it will with you, too. It says, simply:

“Treasure time. No amount of money can retrieve a single second.”

Wow. This one really hit me.

A year and a half ago, I went on a family “girls weekend” to Chicago to celebrate my aunt’s birthday, and I ended up missing some of the fun because I was stuck dealing with a work crisis for half of the weekend. There is nothing like stuffing yourself into a corner of the cosmetics section at Macy’s on Michigan Avenue on a crowded Saturday afternoon and frantically typing missives on your BlackBerry to folks back at the office to make you aware that your work and life are completely out of whack.

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

A year ago, I went on vacation with some friends to Las Vegas. My friend had specifically asked me if I could leave my BlackBerry at home this time. I said I would do my best, but I still found myself sneaking into the women’s locker room at the spa in my robe, in between the hot stone massage and the pedicure, to quickly address a problem back at the office.  At the spa, for pete’s sake!

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

Six months ago, I asked my husband what we should do for vacation. “I thought you didn’t take vacations anymore,” he said to me.

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

Over the summer, a close family friend died unexpectedly. Several months later, in the middle of the night, my parents called with the news that my uncle had been killed in an accident—on a highway he traveled daily for a decade. We miss them so much. We were blessed to have spent many wonderful moments with them…but what if we hadn’t made the time?

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

The fact of the matter is that (1) Life deals us what life deals us, and (2) We are the only ones who have the ultimate authority to be the stewards of our time, in a way that aligns with our values.

One of the reasons I left my job and started my own business is because I reached a point where enough was enough. I wanted to be the captain of my own destiny, and that included having the final say on where and how I spend my time.  Obviously it’s not all “fun and games” all the time – There are still responsibilities and deadlines and clients who need attention. But I didn’t want to miss out on another thing I value, personally or professionally.  

Individuals in job transition—whether looking for that next job opportunity or starting a new business venture—may not have the benefit of a regular, robust paycheck, but we do have an even more important gift on our hands in the interim: the gift of time.  

Take full advantage of this gift. How will you spend it? Here are a few ideas:

Make things right with the people who’ve been craving your time and attention. Maybe, like me, you were working in a pressure cooker, glued to your BlackBerry and dealing with one crisis or issue after another in a high-stress work environment. Or, alternatively, perhaps you were so burned out that you were too tired to participate in activities with your family or friends, even when you were available. If you blew off someone important to you, even if they understand that you were in survival mode at the time, you owe them an apology. Do it today.  Make things right again.

Create a time “hierarchy” list  in which you assign all key areas of your life a priority. If spending time with your kids is your top priority, rank that “No. 1.” Maybe volunteering at your church or synagogue is your “No. 2” priority. Ranking these key areas of your life will help you make better decisions about where your time goes.

Set aside a few minutes each week to call or e-mail a friend, loved one or colleague. Let them know what they mean to you. Even if you can’t be with them frequently, let them know they are important to you—in your own words.

Identify two or three drains on your time and take steps to remove them.
Perhaps you were cornered into volunteering for a project that doesn’t rank high on your priority list. Or, maybe you find yourself continuing certain habits that no longer fit your current lifestyle.

Write down a “mission statement” for how you will better maintain boundaries to manage your work/life flow.
For example, will you promise to only check your BlackBerry once a day while you’re on vacation? Or, better yet, will you arrange for a trusted friend or colleague to be a first point of contact for your business dealings while you are away? If you are invited to two events at the same time, will you always give priority to the family activity or the activity involving your closest friends?

Identify areas of your life where you are suffering from “diminishing returns.”
I know some people who will drive 30 miles to save $1.00 at a grocery store. And while it’s certainly true that many of us are being more fiscally careful during this down economy, are you wasting your time for such a small return? There are likely several areas of your life where you are saving money but wasting an awful lot of time. See if you can’t bring these a little closer into alignment.

Do the thing you’ve always been wanting to do but never had the time.
Maybe it’s taking a class at the gym that was always out of reach because it’s in the middle of the work day. Perhaps it’s working from a funky little coffee shop, which your old boss never would’ve given you permission to do. Or, maybe you simply relish the ability to take a book and sit in the park for a few minutes each afternoon.

We are blessed with the gift of time. And, at the end of our lives, that’s what we will remember and treasure most of all. Why not use this time of transition to really focus on what matters most?

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) February 10, 2010

First, I’d like to thank those of you who sent notes of support and concern after my recent Prioritizing Priorities article. 

I’d also like to reassure you that in our household, nothing excremental or otherwise has yet hit the fan. We’re just taking further steps to prepare ourselves as best we can.

Not to say it’s all puppies and rainbows in our lives these days, either. But one thing I’ve noted about times of trial in our lives is that it puts in sharp, unmistakable relief the good things in our lives as well. It makes me think of one of my favorite quotes:

“Don’t block the blessings.” – Patti LaBelle  

As a Desperate Workingwife, here are some of my suggestions for recognizing the blessings in your life…even when your spouse’s career transition may be far, far less than a blessing.

Appreciate your own career and development.
I recently underwent a bit of career transition myself and began reporting to a new manager in a new area of the company at the beginning of this year. I might have been tempted, at first, to think, “Gee…just what I need. More change.” And that would’ve blocked some serious blessings. Because as it turns out, my new manager is one of the best surprises I’ve had in a long time. She believes in me wholeheartedly, pushes me to be better and encourages me to think bigger. She’s completely reenergized my passion for what I do. There’s a blessing I want to count, not block.

Stop and revel in your own accomplishments.
I’m not saying you should rub your own accomplishments in your spouse’s face. Be tactful. But do celebrate your wins in a personal way. Just finished a big project at work? Treat yourself to a pair of shoes on clearance. Lost a pound this week? Do a happy dance in the kitchen. (I highly recommend socks on hardwood floors for the best spinning capabilities.)

Celebrate the accomplishments of others.
You’ve probably heard that even if you’re feeling down, if you physically make yourself smile that act will eventually elicit the corresponding emotion of happiness. (Try it.) Celebrating the blessings of others can bring you blessings of your own. So attend your friend’s baby shower, go to happy hour to celebrate your co-worker’s promotion and hoot and holler when your spouse gets called for an interview.

Notice and accept support with gratitude.
Chance are, you’ve got a great support network in your life. (My best girls – you know who you are and I love you.) Have you noticed that more often lately, as you’ve been living through your spouse’s career transition time, that lunch or coffee tabs are picked up by friends? Rather than argue with them. let them and thank them. Most of us have it in our nature to want to help the people we care about. This is their time to help you – don’t block their blessings by taking that opportunity away from them.

Thank God for the blessings which come out of thin air.
Maybe you got an unexpected refund check in the mail.  Or your heating bill was less than you thought it would be this month. In my case, out of nowhere, a new friend came into my life through one of my music groups. Without any rhyme or reason I could think of, this beautiful woman became somewhat of a personal cheerleader for me and gave me confidence at exactly the time when I needed it. When these things seem to come out of nowhere, simply stop and offer praise for the Holy Spirit’s influence in your life.

Additional Resources:

Patti Labelle, Don’t Block the Blessings – available on Amazon.com

Yvonne Bynoe, Is Your Attitude Blocking Your Blessings?,

  By Diva Nikki
 (c) February 3, 2010

A few weeks ago I wrote about the importance of  keeping the romance going while you’re experiencing career transition in your household.  Of course, it can be challenging to be romantic when you’re watching your pennies. 

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought I’d give you some more ideas for keeping the spark alive, even on a budget.

 Have a cocktails and karaoke night – in your own living room.
(Or kitchen, as it happened to be in our case.)  Make some cocktails, plug the iPod into some speakers, and sing away to all your favorite songs.

 Support the local performing arts.
Attend community theater, community choir, high school or college performances. Tickets tend to be fairly inexpensive, and you might be surprised at the quality of entertainment.

Write letters to each other.
On paper. Reminisce about past dates, anniversaries, vacations or fond memories. Leave the letters as a surprise for each other in random places around the house.

Go to the movies – on a budget.
Attend matinees for new releases you can’t wait for. If your community has one, wait a few weeks, then catch the flick for ½ the price at the local budget theater. (The one where I live also serves affordable pizza!)

Invite other couples over for a shared meal with a theme.
Ask each person to bring a dish (thus saving costs for you) to fit the evening’s theme. Themes could be anything from a country to a certain color or letter.

Be tourists in your own town.
Check out your city’s tourism or chamber of commerce website to find local attractions or events with free admission. You might be amazed at the local treasures you find, like museums, parks, gardens, lectures or outdoor concerts.

Relive great memories.
On a quiet evening, pull out your wedding photos, honeymoon photos and other scrapbooks, cards or letters you’ve kept over the years. Cuddle up together and enjoy reliving the events that have made you who you are as a couple.

Learn something new.
Check your local city recreation, YMCA or community college schedules for available classes coming up. Classes through those organizations tend to be quite affordable. Pick a new skill you’d like to learn together like painting, ballroom dancing or woodworking and enjoy time together during class each week. Who knows – that new skill might even come in handy for your spouse’s new career.

 Begin a fitness routine.
Maybe it’s just taking a walk each day – or maybe you want to train together for a 5K next summer. Become each others’ fitness partners. You’ll not only get to spend time together, but you’ll also be able to keep each other motivated to reach your goals.

Volunteer and help others.
Usher at church, do yard clean-up for an elderly neighbor, read books at a nursing home, serve food at the local emergency shelter, walk dogs at the local animal shelter – there are any number of volunteer activities you can do together. And while your hearts are warmed by being together, you’ll also warm the hearts of others through your service to them.

We’d love to hear from you: How do you and your spouse keep love alive on a budget?

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) January 27, 2010

In one of my recent posts, I talked a bit about how the journey with a spouse in career transition can be a long one. 

So what do you do when the magical end date for unemployment insurance is getting closer and closer at hand? How, you may ask, do you cut things back even further when you’ve already been cutting back?

I’m going to preface the following with a disclaimer. (Thank you, 11 years of working with lawyers in a highly regulated industry.) I am not a financial advisor, nor do I suggest any of the following as official financial advice. You really need to consult your own professional financial about what makes sense for your situation and what your options are. What I do want to offer, however, is food for thought from my own life.

Here are some things to consider as the journey gets longer.

Look at your budget…again.
There are “nice to haves” and “need to haves.” For example, saving for retirement is a really important strategy. And…it also won’t kill our entire future if we stop investing for a few months. 

Rethink priorities…again.
Here’s an example. Our cable bill just went up. And we started thinking hard about whether cable is a necessity or just a nicety. Especially in the days of Hulu.com – is it worth over $100 a month for the convenience of flipping through a bunch channels just because we’re bored?  Or could we get by with Internet and more time to read books?

Protect the income you do have.
As the sole breadwinner, I decided to take out a disability insurance policy for myself, above what my employer already covered. It’s an added expense (at a time we don’t need additions), but for me it was worth knowing that if something happened to me while my husband’s still looking for work, the income we do have would be safer.

Encourage your spouse to start broadening the job search.
Undesirable as this prospect may be, if the realities of this economy and job market are such that he’s just not finding a job that fulfills his worth and experience, it might be time to broaden the options. Discuss the possibility of looking for less senior positions or positions in former fields of expertise. Or, if your family situation would allow, discuss the possibility of broadening the geographic part of the search. There may be more opportunity in other areas.

If dire straits are truly near, consider part-time work.
Not that any career professional (let alone an MBA) would relish the thought, but asking if “you want fries with that” would at least help make ends meet if you need to make up for unemployment insurance when it ends. And a part-time schedule would allow for networking and job searching time. If you want to be really supportive, you could consider part-time work, too. Perhaps working weekends at a shop you love.

Consider the value of your clutter.
Do you have things around the house you don’t use but may have value? For instance, since my husband and I got iPods, we realized we never used our CDs anymore. So we sold them to a used book store and made several hundred dollars. Look around to see if there might be things you could trade in for cash. 

Hang in there and keep supporting each other.
You will get through this. Together. There will be a better future.

 Posted by Jenaissance
 (c) January 25, 2010

We are emerging, slowly, from the worst recession in our lifetime, one that has crippled our financial centers, dried up jobs and easy credit, and sent our expectations, not to mention our wallets, reeling.

So why, then, are we so happy?

In the November 23, 2009, issue of Time magazine, columnist Nancy Gibbs writes about the “happiness paradox.” Pollsters have measured (albeit awkwardly) “national attitude” over the years, which, not surprisingly, hit its lowest points in 1973, 1982, 1992 and 2001—all recession years. More recently, when the Gallup-Healthways Well Being Index was launched in January 2008, it too sought to measure national “mood.” When the economy hit its roughest patch during the summer months of 2008, so did the national “mood”—until a surprising and paradoxical thing happened. By summer 2009, the national mood had increased to a level even higher than it had been in 2008, before the economy collapsed.

Writes Gibbs: “I’m struck by how many people tell pollsters that the voluntary downshifting and downsizing of the past year have come as a kind of relief. Maybe we’ve lowered our standards. But we already knew that money can buy only comfort, not contentment; happiness correlates much more closely with our causes and connections than with our net worth.”

I tested this theory anecdotally on a random sample of friends and acquaintances whose households are in transition for one reason or another.  I asked what transition-inspired changes they’ve made and whether they are happier as a result. Here’s what they had to say.

“My husband and I resolved to do more entertaining at home in 2010 vs. meeting friends at restaurants. We love how the house feels in prep for, during and after guests…and many favorite culinary Web sites and magazines are featuring thrifty and tasty menus that feed a table of friends for a fraction of dinner out for two. We’re trying to focus on honoring special occasions in family and friends’ lives for the themes…heartwarming all around.” (Natalie, Minneapolis)

“I’m eating at home more. It is healthier and I feel better. I am working on finding balance in my life and comfort in my house because I cannot afford to go anywhere so I need peace and balance in my daily life.” (Heidi, Washington, D.C.)

“Our family started a ‘Family Activity Christmas Countdown’ this year. The concept is simple, of course – to celebrate each other during the holiday season instead of losing each other to the hoopla of parties and presents. We created a Christmas countdown chain with a link for each day and an activity on each link. The rules were pretty simple: the activity had to be done together, and if at all possible, cost no money. It could last five minutes or five hours, as long as that time was spent together.  This is the second year we’ve done it, and it really has become a highlight of the Christmas season for us.

The other thing that we did last year during spring break was a staycation. All of the kids had friends heading off to beaches and exotic locations and something like just wasn’t in the budget for us. I still wanted to make their spring break special, though, so I came up with the concept of a staycation where each person in our family had a day dedicated to him or her. That person started the day with breakfast in bed (their choice, decided the night before) and then planned our day. We visited the science museum, the zoo and the water park. Some days were just quiet days at home. My one son chose to have a pajama day on his day, and my daughter chose to make dinner together on her day (and have a fire safety meeting – she’s a classic first child.) While our outings to the science museum and the water park cost money, it was significantly less than we would have spent on a vacation, and everyone loved having control of a day. 

I am not so delusional that I think my kids wouldn’t trade our staycation for a trip to Hawaii in a heartbeat, but I’d like to think that we made some fun memories just the same. (Becky, Minneapolis) 

So how about you? How are you finding happiness and contentment among the challenges of the recession? We’d love to hear from you!

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) January 13, 2010

I have a phrase I’ve shared with many people: “Patience is a virtue.  It’s just not one of mine.” 

Tolerance, I’ve got plenty.

Love, in abundance.

Understanding, in spades. 

Patience…not so much.

 So when I tell you that if you have a spouse in career transition that you should be prepared for this journey to be long one, I want you to appreciate exactly how hard that journey is for me.

 I’m a doer. I’m an action girl. I love to help. I adore making things happen.  How does that work into helping my husband find work? It really, really doesn’t.

 The reality is, in today’s environment it can take a long time to find a new job. There are lots of really talented, highly experienced people out there and available for hire. I remember a time when job descriptions might have said they wanted 10 years of XYZ experience, but didn’t necessarily require that of a potential employee.  I remember a time when they might have taken a chance on someone with different industry experience but who had the right skills.  Now, companies can be entirely prescriptive of exactly the length and type of experience they want – and have 46 people apply with those exact specifications.

 I’m not going to lie: the waiting is hard. And it’s especially hard as the spouse of the one doing the looking. Because really – there’s nothing you can actively “do” to help. And as the wait gets longer, the more stressful things can get.

So how do you get through the seeming eternity that is your spouse’s transition? How do you keep your household – and marriage – going?

 Occasionally, revisit your plan.
You put together a budget, agreed on compromises and schedules within the first few weeks of transition.  But it’s a good idea to revisit those if the journey is taking a few months. Make sure the plans you set will still work if things go longer than you thought. 

If need be, create a “worst case scenario” plan. 
What happens if unemployment insurance runs out and your spouse still hasn’t found a new career? Take another look at finances, support networks and possibilities. Create the “holy crud” plan now, while things are still okay. That way, if it needs to be put in place, you won’t have to create it in a panic.

Find ways to re-energize.
If you’ve ever followed a diet plan, you know that even when you begin a plan with utmost dedication, after awhile, you can lose energy. Find ways in the midst of this transition to re-energize – individually and as a couple. Talk to each other. Encourage one another. Pursue (affordable) hobbies or activities that make you feel good. Build romance into each day.

Stay supportive.
If you think you’re feeling dragged down as the career transition timeline continually drags on, how do you think your spouse feels? No matter how hard it is, keep offering support. Let him know every day you love him and believe in him.