Tripping On The Ladder

 By Linda Lande
 (c) January 7, 2010

I’ll never forget my first parent/teacher conference—as a parent.

My only children, twin daughters, were in kindergarten. I walked into the classroom expecting a friendly chat about my daughters. Instead, I left feeling disarmed and somewhat disemboweled. They couldn’t tie their shoes, they weren’t great with scissors, and…and…and the list went on. I got in my car and cried all the way home.

And then I got angry. I was supposed to have attended a conference, not a Letterman’s “Top 10 Things Wrong With Your Kids” session. Later that night, I wrote a letter to their teacher saying that they and I certainly would work to improve their skills, but that in the next parent/teacher conference I expected (yes, “expected”), along with the list of criticisms, to also hear some compliments—even if they were as simple as “my daughters have nice smiles and they always come to school with clean socks.”

Compliments are effective, useful tools. Years ago, a few months into my first “real” communications job with a large insurance corporation, an important-looking man in a business suit came striding into our area, stopped in the director’s office and asked where I was.

Holy cats! Me? I didn’t even know this man—and he was asking for me by name! Just as I was about to dive under my desk, I heard him tell the director that the article I had written was one of the best he’d ever read about a particular program—and he was delighted with my work and wanted to meet me! Wow!

Mark Twain once said, “I can live two months on a good compliment.” Believe me, I lived a lot longer on that one! And it taught me the value of “constructive compliments.” If we’re to expect and gracefully receive “constructive criticism,” shouldn’t we also expect and gracefully receive “constructive compliments”?

I was talking with one of my daughters on the phone recently. (They’re both college graduates now—tying their shoes and making their way in the world.) She’s considering confronting her boss concerning a few work issues—issues with her boss’s management style. I smiled to myself as my mind’s eye pictured my daughters’ kindergarten teacher.

“Remember,” I said to her, “to also be sure to include a few compliments for your boss. Let her also know what she’s doing right.”

We both laughed a little, remembering kindergarten and the lessons learned: that compliments and Velcro shoes are worth their weight in gold!

 Guest Column By Marni Hockenberg
 (c) January 4, 2009

As a professional trained recruiter and interviewer, I had enjoyed a long and successful career working for other people—including working as an award-winning senior search consultant for an agency that would become part of one the largest staffing agencies in the U.S. and serving as a founding member of an information technology training company, where I focused on business development initiatives.

It was a successful and exciting career by most accounts—but even so, I’d always held on to the hope that one day I would pursue my dream of entrepreneurship and start my own company. And, in 2002 I finally had the opportunity. I dreamed, I schemed, I planned and I just decided to “go for it.” Joining forces with a longtime colleague of mine, I co-founded The Hiring Experts, a search firm focused on providing recruiting and search services for companies of all sizes and in most industries.

 After The Hiring Experts closed, just last year I formed a new company, Hockenberg Search. Some of my clients call me a “professional matchmaker” or an “ambassador.” Whatever the terminology, my job is to help small- and medium-sized businesses find, recruit and retain top “A List” talent.

Throughout these years of entrepreneurship, including this most recent business venture that is mine alone, I’ve learned three important things that I think are fundamental to success, no matter what business venture or industry you’re considering. What’s interesting is that these tips also can apply for those of you who may be considering a new career opportunity rather than self-employment, specifically. 

1. Passion for your business is the key. 
If you have a burning desire to take your product or service to market and believe in your ability to succeed, you will stack the decks in your favor to “make it.” Your friends and family will sense the passion in your voice when you talk about your business; your customers and prospects will know that you take your business seriously; and every morning when you wake up, the passion for your business will propel you to forge ahead and put in many hours that will be a labor of love. If you don’t have a passion for your business, don’t even bother to start it.

2. An ad hoc “advisory board” of trusted friends, family or service providers that believe in you and your business will get you through the dark days of doubt and fear. 
Find people who are optimistic, have high self-esteem, have business experience, a track record of achievement and success, and who will tell you the honest truth (even if you don’t want to hear it).  These are your cheerleaders, and you don’t need to be the Lone Ranger when you start a business.

 3. Attend networking events and become active on social media outlets such as LinkedIn and Twitter.
You will begin to build your personal and business brand to the outside world which will differentiate you in the crowded marketplace. This is the beginning of building a referral network for your business. People generally need multiple exposures to a product or service before they buy it – your brand is the beginning of creating this awareness. What do you stand for? What is your value in the marketplace? What business problems or personal problems will you solve for your customers?  Ensure that people will feel proud to recommend you or your business to others.

Now…Good luck and go for it!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Guest columnist Marni Hockenberg is principal of Hockenberg Search, a professional and managerial recruiting firm based in Minnetonka, Minn. With more than two decades of recruiting and business consulting experience, Marni Hockenberg has a proven track record of providing focused, personalized search services to small- and medium-sized businesses to help them find, recruit, and retain top-tier talent. 

 Guest Column by Rebecca Love Williams
 (c) January 1, 2010

I hope that you all had a very happy holiday filled with peace, love and joy. Now that the new year is upon us, it is time to really think about the New Year that is approaching us.

Have you started writing your Life Plan for 2010 to allow you to get a “fresh start”?

A Life Plan is a written plan of your goals and objectives in your life. It is like a map or guide to help you achieve your inner desires. Your plan can be divided into eight areas:

• Career
• Environment
• Family and friends
• Health
• Leisure
• Love and relationships
• Money and finance
• Personal development or personal growth

Each of these areas affects your life and the importance of each one will vary depending on your internal values and situation.

Here are a few questions you might want to ask yourself while writing your plan:

• What’s most important to you, your core values?
• What do you dream about?
• Where on your career path do you desire to be?
• Is your employer helping you accomplish your personal career goals?
• Are you still having fun at work?
• Will it allow you to spend more time with your family?
• Are you spending enough time with people who are important to you?
• How can you maintain your health?
• Do you have the time and the resources to entertain and travel?
• What places do you want to visit in the next two to three years?
• How much money do you want to make?
• Does your current employment support your income goals?
• How much do you need to save for your later years?
• Are you giving back to your community?
• Where do you want to live?
• Are you continually developing and improving your relationship?

These questions will give you some starting points to think about as you begin developing your plan for 2010. Of course, Life Plans can be more complex, and if you would like to develop a more intense life plan, you might need to seek out a Professional Coach.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Guest columnist Rebecca Love Williams, principal of Williams Business Solutions, is an experienced professional coach and human resources  consultant. She regularly coaches her clients through a process to help them achieve their life and professional goals, including an emphasis on life planning strategies. Williams is based in Evanston, Ill., and serves individuals and businesses nationwide.

By Jenaissance
(c) December 21, 2009

One day, when Chuck Solomon was in high school, his dad announced to him: “You’re going to help me re-roof the house.”

Taken by surprise, Solomon asked his dad, a pharmacist, “What do you know about roofing?” to which his father replied: “I went to the lumber yard and asked lots of questions.”

The roof got built (and lasted for years) and so did a new do-it-yourself hobby for Solomon, who went on to do the occasional home repair project for friends and was frequently hired to do some painting for a few of his college professors.

After a circuitous career over the next decade as a social worker, nonprofit administrator, information technology recruiter and, later, a stay-at-home dad, Solomon eventually returned to his hobby handyman business when his son started school. Before long, it had grown into a full-time venture.

Today, Handyman Solutions is the go-to resource for homeowners in North Carolina’s Triangle region who are seeking help with everything from stringing Christmas lights to simple repairs to full-on bathroom remodeling projects.

Solomon is the editor of the HouseFixer blog and recently published a book, Building Your Successful Handyman Business: A guide to starting and operating a profitable contracting business (available for purchase on Amazon), to help tradesmen better hone their business skills.

He shares his three best tips with others who have recently started, or are considering starting, their own small businesses:

1. From losses come gains.

The financial crisis led to the collapse of many businesses, both large and small, but for Solomon, it’s also sparked innovation. Instead of bemoaning lost income streams, he challenged himself to be creative in exploring new ones.

“I saw the writing on the wall when the banks crashed, so I went back to the well,” says Solomon. Back in the real estate heyday, for example, a significant portion of business came from real estate agents who needed help with basic home repairs contingent on closing a sale. When real estate activity dried up, Solomon flexed in a new direction: providing “on the ground” repair services to homeowners who had moved out of town but were forced to rent their homes rather than sell the property at a loss.

“I consider myself lucky, but also purposeful about taking steps to counteract potential challenges,” he says. “And, even in this economy, people are still living in homes. We’re not going back to caves and huts. There’s still a need for help.”  

2. Being the expert in your field doesn’t mean being an expert on everything.

There’s a lot involved in starting a small business—but many proprietors make the mistake of thinking they must go it alone. And that often leads to guesswork, which can be time-consuming at best, or costly at worst.

Take, for instance, taxes. Small business owners typically are required to file quarterly tax estimates with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) and failing to do so can be a costly mistake.

“When you work for someone else, they take the taxes out for you before you ever see your paycheck and you never think twice about it,” says Solomon. “But when you start your own business, you alone are responsible for withholding the appropriate taxes. Guessing is hard—and I recommend that small business owners hire a CPA to work with you from the very beginning.”

And, if hiring a professional advisor is too costly for your checkbook, consider bartering services. Many small businesses are just starting out, like you, and bartering services is a great way to accomplish what you need, while also helping your collaborator build his or her own professional portfolio.

3. Be confident about pricing.

One of the challenges many small business owners face is what to charge for their services. When  starting out, it’s tempting to panic and start cutting prices or offering discounts just to get business—but that’s often a bad strategy for long-term success.

“I tell my clients that I run an above-board business,” says Solomon. “I have insurance, I pay taxes, I pay the people who work for me. I need to be profitable, and my clients need me to be profitable. They want to know that when they call me in a year, I’ll still be there.”

Even so, it’s important to determine a competitive pricing model. Solomon calls competitors to see what they charge for similar services, and he keeps impeccable client records to keep tabs on what his clients paid in the past. “People tend to buy by price, not value,” he says. “And most people won’t choose the provider who charges top dollar or the lowest dollar—they select someone right in the middle. So, I always try to make sure my prices fall right in the middle, and I always give my clients my best price upfront.”

ABOUT THE EXPERT

Chuck Solomon of Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina, is the owner of Handyman Solutions, a small business specializing in residential home improvement services from carpentry, flooring, painting and general handyman repairs. He blogs about various home repair topics on House Fixer and he is the author of the recently published guidebook, Building Your Successful Handyman Business: A guide to starting and operating a profitable contracting business.

 By Sharon Korbeck Verbeten
 (c) December 17, 2009

If you’ve purchased a first home, you’ll recall how that experience took research, planning, expense, time and a healthy dose of resolve. It also likely involved a leap of faith.

That’s not unlike starting your own freelance writing business—which I did five years ago. And while launching All Write Creative Services was just as unpredictable as buying my first house, my decision has proven just as comfortable as that modest two-bedroom ranch.

After more than 20 years working in magazine and newspaper journalism, I summoned up my desire and connections (along with motivation and moxie) to break out on my own. At first, I needed a bit of convincing, but with the support of family, friends and business associates, All Write Creative moved from a longtime desire to a reality.

Here are three things I learned from launching my own business.

1.       Remember: You aren’t just a freelance writer. You’re a business owner.
You’re not just a freelance writer; you’re a business owner. Before you begin, write a proposed business plan to determine the specifics of your business. What will you call your business? Proposed business expenses and income? Will you work 9 to 5 or have more flexible hours? Work from home or rent an office? Incorporate your business? Hire an accountant? Specialize or offer more broad-based services?

Proudly introduce yourself as a small business owner. Presenting yourself in a professional manner–complete with business cards and a title (I chose “editorial director”)—allows others to take you seriously. Too many people still believe that writing is something people do just for fun. Let people know this is your business, and they will be more likely to treat it as such.

2.       Don’t underestimate the power of networking.
Even if you’re extremely well connected, never underestimate the value of meeting new people. You never know where your next assignment will come from. More than a decade ago, I worked in the funeral industry; a former colleague of mine heard I was freelancing and later called me first when she learned of an editorial project in that industry. In another instance, I was chatting with an old friend who knew an editor in the waste management industry. Now that editor offers me regular work. Sure, in both cases, I had to introduce myself, follow up, provide writing samples and prove I could do the work, but I may never have pursued—or even known about—those opportunities had it not been for these contacts.

Don’t overlook other freelance writers. Consider them connections, not competition. Some of my best connections with editors have been through referrals from their regular writing stable. There’s plenty of work for talented, dependable writers, and editors trust their better writers’ referrals.

3.       Working on assignment…and other misconceptions.
Before I started my business, I thought I’d always be flush with assignments from my “regular” editors. It doesn’t always work that way. And while these clients are good to me, sometimes they’re too backed up with stories to need anything. Or they may be too busy to respond or make a formal assignment. That’s why you always need feelers and queries out there—to your regular clients as well as to new markets. And remember, once you break into a new market, be sure to ace the assignment (turn it in clean and early!) and foster the relationship so they become one of your regulars.

 Much like any major decision in life—buying a house, having a baby—starting your own freelance business comes with its own set of “must haves” and “must knows.” Remember that the key to staying sane while serving up success is being prepared and organized—while still being ready for the unexpected!

 
ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTOR
Sharon Verbeten, a regular contributor to Tripping on the Ladder, is editorial director of All Write Creative Services in De Pere, Wis. Before starting her own business, she worked for 10 years as editorial director of three national hobby magazines. A 20-year veteran of journalism, she now writes for many national trade and consumer publications in the antiques, library, funeral service, waste management and business sectors.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) December 15, 2009

Whether you’ve recently been let go at work or whether you are finally pursuing your dream of small business ownership, chances are you’re saving your pennies right now.

It wasn’t that many years ago that saving money involved stuffing a sock with extra cash and hiding it under the mattress. Thankfully, we’ve all become much more creative since then, as these three new online resources—a must read for everyone interested in managing money—will surely attest.

WiseBread: Living large on a small budget
www.wisebread.com

Its name says it all: Be smart about your money. This blog and online community, a member of the larger Money Tips Network of finance-related blogs and news sources, leads readers on a journey toward frugal living, one lifestyle choice at a time.

WiseBread publishes a daily blog featuring a vast library of articles written by an extensive team of finance bloggers and money experts. A sampling of recent articles include:

• “The cell phone app that’s saving me a fortune”
• “The best way to avoid the worst financial problems”
• “6 powerful strategies for paying down debt”
• “Things you should and shouldn’t buy at Walmart”

In addition, WiseBread features a weekly “deals of the week” round-up and frequent contests in which readers are invited to submit their own frugal tips and the tipsters with the most innovative suggestions can win a prize.

Mint.com: The best (free) way to manage your money
www.mint.com

No matter how much of it you have (or don’t have, as the case may be), managing personal finances is often no small task. But Mint.com, a new financial web site, actually makes it easy…and fun! This free and secure online service allows users to manage bank and credit accounts; develop budgets; and manage investments—all in one place. (Just think: No more jumping from one web site to the next when trying to balance your finances.)

What makes Mint.com particularly invaluable is its built-in system of alerts, which includes a weekly e-mail to notify you about the status of your savings, credit and investment accounts, plus alarms that will help you avoid overdrafts, late fees and even changes to your interest rate that the bank might otherwise prefer you not notice. And, with its expansive graph system, Mint .com can also help identify areas where you might save more and spend less.

And, it’s not just us at Tripping on the Ladder who love Mint.com. It also was honored as a “Four Star” service by Money Magazine, named PC World’s Top-Rated Online Finance Service and recipient of PC Magazine Editor’s Choice Award, and listed among TIME Magazine’s Top 50 Web Sites. 

Get Rich Slowly: Personal finance that makes cents
www.getrichslowly.com

Recently named the most inspiring personal finance blog by Money Magazine, Get Rich Slowly is a spirited online community devoted to promoting sensible personal finance. The site was created by a self-professed “average guy” who found himself in tens of thousands of dollars in debt. So, he decided to do something about it, first by reading every personal finance book and resource he could find—and then by sharing what he learned so that others, too, could benefit—one small step at a time.

The site features regular bank rate comparisons, customized mortgage quotes, articles on home and mortgage topics (our favorite: “Furniture and Scambags: Adventures on Craigslist”) and lively message boards where readers share their best tips and wildest experiences relating to personal finance.

Ultimately, Get Rich Slowly is a story of a nice guy finishing first, for himself. And, really, what’s not to celebrate about that?

 By Jenaissance
 (c) December 14, 2009

A month ago, my husband and I became the proud “parents” of a miniature dachshund, Lazarus, whom we adopted after he was rescued from the pits of neglect.

He was in tough shape, having scratched or bitten off his fur after a severe flea infestation and subsequent allergies, and his ribs stuck out after being without food in an empty home for about a month before he was discovered. Frankly, he looked pretty pitiful, but we fell in love with him anyway. And while our dog brings a very sociable and clever dynamic to the household, he also brings a litany of health problems that we are still working with our vet to treat.

What’s been particularly interesting to me over these past few weeks, though, is how much we have to learn from these little creatures—even a “sad sack on the mend” like Lazarus. (And, frankly, don’t we feel like sad sacks ourselves far too often?) No matter how rough things get, that tail still wags. So, if you are feeling the “dog days” of unemployment or career transition like so many, take a few lessons from your friendly Fido.

The more friends you make, the more treats you get. (Or, the benefits of networking.)
Ben and I have lived in our condo in D.C. for three years. In that time, we have met one neighbor, maybe two. Then we bring home a dog and suddenly everyone knows Lazarus. By name, even. They stop to greet him in the entryway, they yell “Good morning, Lazarus!” from down the hall, they come up to him on the sidewalk to give him a treat. I’ve observed that the friendlier he is to our neighbors, the more he gets from them in terms of attention, affection and treats.

Sure Lazarus is impossibly cute. But the real skill is that he enjoys making friends. The tail wags, he prances over, he makes a big fuss of saying hello. In short, he demonstrates that his friends—old and new—are important to him. In fairness, I couldn’t recall the last time I acted so interested in seeing our neighbors. Lesson learned.

When’s the last time we ever greeted a friend or new acquaintance so enthusiastically? And why haven’t we? Start today. Challenge yourself not just to say “hi” but to actually have a conversation with someone new. You never know what new doors will open or friendships built. (Just, please, no barking.

Wag more, bark less.
Lazarus is pretty happy-go-lucky. He’s in the business of being hopeful—hopeful that a treat might fall into path, hopeful that you will tickle his belly, hopeful that someone or something interesting is just around the corner. In effect, he prefers to “wag more and bark less.”

I saw this phrase on a bumper sticker over the weekend. So true. It’s easy to let the chips get you down—and in this current economy more chips seem to be down than up. But you’ll be happier, healthier and more content when you focus more on the good things in your life and dwell less on the things that are less-than-ideal right now. It’s hard to do, but it’s important to try.

Respect the boundaries (but do challenge them when necessary).
Lazarus is not allowed in the kitchen, but this doesn’t stop him from trying sometimes. Oh, sure, he’ll sit quietly on the edge of the tile where the hallway meets the kitchen most of the time, but he throws all caution to the wind if the prospect of a treat is on the horizon.

It makes me wonder how often we play by the rules when, on occasion, breaking the rules might be in our best interests. Are you sitting on an imaginary line of someone else’s creation, waiting for something that may or may not happen? Or, when the reward is right in front of you, or even hidden behind a door somewhere, are you willing to just go for it?

Never feel guilty for resting.
I am not, and never have been, a morning person. So, when we decided to get a dog, I worried that I would not be able to manage those early-morning wake-up calls. Instead, we were blessed with a dog who is clearly not a morning person, either! Lazarus would sack in until noon if he could. And he often does, waking up only long enough for a potty break and breakfast in the early morning hours, before going back to snooze for hours on end. And you know what? He feels no shame.

You shouldn’t, either. Rest is important. In fact, it’s vital to a healthy life. When you need to rest— especially in these challenging times when you are working so hard and feeling like you are getting nowhere fast—just do it. Everything else can wait…at least until your nap is done.

You are worthy.
Lazarus just expects to be loved and adored. It’s not even a question in his mind. And the more he expects it, the more it seems to happen for him. He believes he is worthy of the pat on the head, the treat, the walk—yes, even the fish fillet he snatched off my husband’s plate when he looked away for all of five seconds. With him, there are no apologies, no half measures, no “what if’s.”

Wouldn’t it be great if we felt like we are worthy of success, joy, happiness, contentment, rewards? We are, you know. So, go for it! Claim what you would like to see happen. Be bold. Just do it!

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) December 9, 2009

In the long-running TV show, being a “Survivor” is the best thing that can happen. Competitors will go to great lengths and low depths to outwit and outlast. 

But in the workplace, being a survivor doesn’t come with near the glory…or the monetary prize.

In the midst of more corporate layoffs than most of us have seen in our lifetimes, there is rightly lots of news attention being paid to those forced into transition. But what about those of us who are still employed? The ones still left in the office, taking on piles more work, listening to crickets chirp in all the silent, empty cubicles around us?

Being a layoff survivor can come with lots of emotions and challenges:

• Sadness as you watch dear friends and long-time colleagues leaving.
• Anxiety as you wonder if you’ll be next.
• Stress as you figure out how you’ll now do the work of others on top of your own, because let’s face it: most companies don’t reduce work when they reduce staff.
• Guilt over your continued employment while other talented people are let go.
• Frustration over the seeming halt in your own career path while the whole company freezes hiring and salaries.

What can you do?
In the midst of all these emotions, it’s important to take the time to acknowledge your feelings and find ways to help cope with them.

 Express your feelings to your co-workers. Let them know you will miss them, and find ways to help with closure like goodbye lunches.

Offer to help them in their job search efforts.  Connect to them on LinkedIn, give helpful feedback on resumes or cover letters, and offer to give recommendations.

Talk to someone about your own stress. Many companies offer employee assistance programs for temporary counseling as a benefit. Take advantage of those services.

Do what you can to stay motivated…and healthy. In such a negative environment, this is hard. But find ways to keep yourself going. Set small goals, celebrate (in a subtle, sensitive way) your own achievements. And be sure to keep getting sleep, good food and exercise. In short, take good care of yourself mentally and physically.

Have a tactful, practical conversation with your boss about how to prioritize your work. As one of the few resources still available, you have value. Work together to create a plan for what’s most important and what you can realistically accomplish in a work week.

Focus on your career development. That seems almost impossible in a downsizing environment. But taking on new tasks also means gaining new expertise and skills. Use this time to learn and grow yourself. The economic downturn won’t last forever, and you could come out on the other side with many more tools to help on your journey up the ladder—or wherever you want to go from here.

Additional Resources:

• JoNel Aleccia, “Guilty and stressed, layoff survivors suffer, too,” MSNBC, December 15, 2008.
• Mary Zeiher, “Layoff Survivor Syndrome in the Workplace,” Associated Content, January 2, 2009.
• Susan M. Heathfield, “How to Cope When Co-Workers Lose Their Jobs,” About.com

Read these other recent Desperate Workingwife columns:

• “Desperate Workingwife: Turkey and Shopping and Christmas Trees, Oh My! Surviving the Holiday Jungle in Your Less-Than-Fully-Employed Household”
• “Desperate Workingwife: Give Me a Massage or Die! How to Relieve Your Own Stress While Living with Your Unemployed Spouse”
• “Desperate Workingwife: It Ain’t the Opera but I’m Wearing My Best Dress Anyway. Ways to Stay Romantic Without Spending the Fortune Your Unemployed Spouse Isn’t Earning Right Now”

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) December 2, 2009

Let’s face it—living with an unemployed spouse is darn stressful. You spend a lot of time focusing on him: listening to his job search struggles, finding ways to keep his spirits up, discussing budget issues, being understanding about his emotional ups and downs…

And it’s not like your own life or career is without stress either. It’s possible things at your own company might be less than secure. You still have your own job duties and career development to think about, volunteer meetings to attend…and it’s even conceivable that having your spouse without a job right now might cause you some additional stress.

 Unless you’re a superhero or a saint, it’s time you think about relieving some of that stress. If you don’t, it’s eventually going to explode—all over your household. And that, my friend, will do no one any good.

 Find a venting partner.  
Spend time with a friend you can trust and who will listen to your feelings and struggles. Your spouse already has enough struggles of his or her own to deal with and probably doesn’t need yours. But you do need a safe place to let your hair down and get it all out.

Look for other support.
Investigate your local workforce development board to see if there’s a support group for unemployed spouses. If not, offer to help start one. Meeting with others in your same situation could give you great ideas and encouragement.

Finish a project.
Get out that craft or hobby project that’s been sitting unfinished in a closet or garage for a year and finish it. You’ll do something you love and have the satisfaction of being productive. It’s something you can do during a time when you feel like there’s a lot you can’t do.

Stay healthy.
You’re not going to be able to be supportive for your spouse if you’re feeling like crud. Maintain your exercise routine, try to eat healthy foods and get as much sleep as you can. Your health is very important right now.

Sing or laugh loudly.
Put your favorite CD in the car and belt away. Watch your favorite funny DVD. In general, find things that make you happy and offer a positive release of energy. If you and your spouse can do this together, even better!

Make your own spa night.
Take a bubble bath, give yourself a manicure or facial. Talk your loving spouse into giving you a massage with candles—a bottle of massage lotion is much cheaper than an hour at the spa. Plus, once he’s got you relaxed and feeling loved, you never know what might be in it for him.

Focus on your own personal and professional development.
Be sure you keep up with your own career, even though your spouse is in transition. Read a business book, attend a seminar or network with people you think can help you grow.

 In general, be sure your own stress is dealt with so you can help your spouse deal with his.

 By Survivor Gal
 (c) November 30, 2009

Here’s some unconventional advice to help you prepare for the storm. Because it’s coming.

Watch the various “Real Housewives” shows on Bravo. They’re vapid, but a secret pleasure for enough viewers to not only keep them on the air, but expand the franchise. But, turns out, the purported prosperity of the housewives was about as real as their, well, cleavage. Out goes The Good Life of boats, bling, and BMWs. In comes the Really Real Story: foreclosure, eviction and short sales.  

They are the It Girls for Schadenfreude, circa 2009. We’re watching them fall and getting what we’ve long suspected is their spending-beyond-one’s-means due.

But you may have more in common with the phony fill-in-the-blank set than you’d like. The average U.S. household credit card debt is $10,700; typical consumers have eight credit cards apiece. And, if you’re part of Generation X, generally defined as born between 1965 and 1976, you – deservedly or not – are part of what’s called Generation Debt, collectively unwilling or unable to deny your wants and plummeting into the red.

Change course now.  The odds are not in your favor.   

Whatever your generation – Boomer, Gen X, Millennial – job loss will hit you. You’ll get laid off, whether you saw it coming or it blindsided you. You’ll accept a job that sounded great until it was yours. Your spouse will get canned. Or, on a particularly sad note, your parents – providers of the occasional check – will be able to offer you nothing but love after layoffs hit them.

Welcome to the inevitable new reality. And, yes, it does bite.

But you have some control over how hard it bites.

Survivor Gal has been laid off three times over two decades, most recently a year ago. In 2003, she became a homeowner and mortgagee. That made it harder for her sleep after Layoff No. 3 and grateful to have landed a new job within five months. Lots of decent folks aren’t as lucky.  

She can also report this about post- No. 3 life: Her car, though it has the sex appeal of a grandma-mobile, was paid for four years earlier; it’s still great under the hood. Her TV, a hand-me-down from her brother, is the size of a fetal Volkswagen but it works. She’d followed the pundits’ recommendations to save enough for six months’ worth of expenses.

The day No. 3 hit, her debt on her two credit cards: zero dollars, zero cents.   

Considering average debt, it’s sadly unsurprising that that the seeds of many a personal financial disaster were sewn by the huge credit card balances that preceded job loss.

Stop. Here’s what you need to do.  Stop thinking of your credit cards as the ticket for what you didn’t save for and cannot really pay for, be it the latest in consumer electronics or the bachelorette weekend in Vegas. Think of them as Tony Soprano.  

They’re not your friends. Granted, credit card companies won’t come after your kneecaps. And what Tony calls “da points,” they call “interest.” But the differences end there. What Tony calls “your debt,” they call “your debt.”

Listen, Survivor Gal is not Sweet Polly Purebred; over the years, she made a couple wrong turns. She wishes, for instance, she’d known the right way to close an unused credit card account, rather than having the company discontinue a zero-balance customer.  

Nor is she pitiless. She’s a Boomer, though vanity prompts her to disclose she’s from the generation’s tail end. Credit card companies deluged Gen Xers’ and Millennials’ undergrad mailboxes with fabulous offers; they never did that to the Boomers.   

So here’s where to start.  

Go to http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson9/index2.htm, an easy, practical primer on personal finance, and the difference between good debt and bad (credit cards).  

The always-helpful Motley Fool site has this article (despite the title that Survivor Gal loathes) on the right way to close credit cards. Visit  http://www.fool.com/personal-finance/credit/dont-cancel-that-credit-card.aspx

Using Tony for necessities like groceries or housing? Or just need solid info? The Federal Trade Commission steers you in the right direction:   http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/menus/consumer/credit/debt.shtm

Your new friends at Tripping on the Ladder want you to be ready for what’s real. Tony-free. Real people, not Real Housewives.