Tripping On The Ladder

 By Brian Doebert
 (c) April 21, 2010

 Men like to fix things.  When a problem arises, we take charge and start working on the solution. 

While in a career transition, the focus naturally turns to finding a new job and bringing another salary back into the house. 

While this task is important, it is probably more important to remember that your spouse is experiencing this situation with you, but in her own unique ways.  While this presents something else for us to fix, we can’t fix what we don’t understand.  Turnabout is fair play, so let’s see what we can learn from our favorite Desperate Workingwife as I interview her this week.

Part 2 – SHE SAID: Transition from Desperate Workingwife Diva Nikki’s perspective

Brian: What’s been the hardest thing about being in transition?

Desperate Workingwife: The hardest thing about being in transition, for me, is that there is so little I can do about it. I can control spending and be supportive. (We Desperate Workingwives…we’re “do-ers.”) But there is nothing I can truly physically do to help my husband find a job – that’s all on him.

B: What’s been the biggest blessing?

DWW: One of the biggest blessings I’ve seen during this transition time is all the support we receive from others. Even if it’s just a friend buying lunch or coffee, or giving Brian a contact name to talk to. It really makes you see the power and worth of a good friend network.

B: What has surprised you the most during this time of transition?

DWW: I think the length of time the transition is lasting is probably the biggest surprise to me. We’ve been through career transitions for Brian before – this is the third time since we’ve been married. But before it was usually only about six months between jobs. This time, it’s a year.

B: In what ways have you worked to sustain your marriage during this time of change?

DWW: I actively work to find ways to be supportive to my husband every day. I tell him I love him and I believe in him. Even more importantly, though, I never, ever put him down or make him feel like this is his fault. If I need a real venting session – even just about the cruddy situation – I call a girlfriend who understands. I don’t take it out on him.

We both make a conscious effort, too, to spend real time together talking or even just being goofy. Whether it’s iPod karaoke at the kitchen table or a Disney movie marathon, we find ways to spend time together even if there isn’t a huge budget.

B: Where have you found information or support?

DWW: Support I’ve found in spades from friends, co-workers and family. Information – that’s another story. I find it interesting that there are thousands of books, networking groups and resources for those who are unemployed. And not one single book out there for the spouse of the person who is supporting the person who is unemployed. That’s honestly what inspired me to write this column. I wanted to provide some helpful insights, at the very least, to others like me who are going through this.

B: What changes have you made in your household that you think have most helped you make it through the transition?

DWW: I think the biggest, and possibly the hardest, change we’ve made in our household is our budget. Before the economy tanked, we lived quite well. We were dual income, no kids, very reasonable cost of living area. We’re not “big spenders” – but we’d gotten used to being able afford things we wanted, when we wanted them. Now, it feels like there are so many things on hold. But it’s what keeps us afloat. We’re making house, utility and insurance payments. There’s no shortage of food on the table. There’s not even any credit card debt. So we’re definitely doing the right thing.

B: What’s the first thing you’ll do when the transition period is over?

DWW: First thing – eat some sushi. It’s the pact we have. My husband gets a new (permanent) job, we go out for sushi. It’s one of those little indulgences we’ve given up for now. Second thing (possibly in the same day) – I’m going for a spa day. I figure it’s only fair payment to bring on a little stress reduction after such a long transition.

From there out, I think we’ll assess our priorities a bit, look into doing some things around the house that have been on hold. I also think after being on a reduced budget for so long, we’ll be able to find ways to save even more than we always have to be prepared for any more transitions life might throw at us. Nothing like 12 months of unemployment to make you really understand the value of an emergency fund!

 By Jen the Catalyst
 (c) April 23, 2010

In my last post, I discussed the HIGH immediately following the Goodbye. 

 The Colossal High, the juicy, unbelievable, “Yes-this-can-be-attained-without-skydiving” high, lasted for five solid weeks. And what a five weeks they were… Action-packed and part of that leap forward I talked about last week.

Here are some great inspiration starters to get your juices flowing. 

Print off a copy and use it as your journal entries for the next week or two or three! (Hint: There are no wrong answers!)

My favorite things to do are:

My biggest dream is to:

When I am feeling my best, I:

My friends/family tell me that I am good at:

People seek me out to:

This especially jazzes me up:

The thing that drives me the most is:

I feel nurtured when:

I feel very confident when I:

If I were able to look at my life with perspective, I would reward this:

I WANT:

I NEED:

I am most at home when:

I feel most empowered when:

My biggest dream is to:

(What else can you think of to inspire the best when you’re in a HIGH place?)

If you’re tripping up in the place you are, it’s time to make a change, and I believe that positive thinking and an optimistic approach will lead to the best possible spot.  Only I can control how I react to situations and how I choose to navigate… and I decided to choose the path that would jazz me, nurture me, bring out my strengths, and take a leap to something fantastic.

What jazzes you up, and how can you get more of it?

 By Jen the Catalyst
 (c) April 2, 2010

In last week’s diary entry, I wrote about endings and departures. 

Once I had identified my “Goodbyes,” my mind and heart synchronized and I was able to say out loud that “I wanted to leave my corporate job.” 

What came next were waves of relief, freedom, positivity, excitement, anticipation and happiness. My work friends responded to that energy in kind, which made the high of leaving even better. My last three weeks of work were blissful, and I was at my peak. I didn’t feel the fear and the worry and the frustration that I had been struggling with for months.

JOY!

The world was new and shiny and different. Colors were brighter. Friends were friendlier. The house was homier. My husband was sexier. My appreciation of everything was… well, super awesomely appreciative.

(A word of unsolicited advice to readers who are contemplating taking the leap: CAPITALIZE on this transition high. It’s a great time to take gargantuan steps forward toward what you want in your life!)

I love people, and the people at my corporate jobs were no exception. I spent my last days at the company solidifying my relationships with my work friends. I connected with co-workers whom I had not previously met and received the gift of words of wisdom and encouragement—related to areas I was considering for my solo gig. I printed business cards with my contact information and made sure I always had a few in my back pocket to hand out to acquaintances and co-workers that I may not see again soon—or ever.

It was a great celebration and I enjoyed every moment.

What is making your glasses particularly rosy lately?  Share the energy!

 By Jen the Catalyst
 (c) March 26, 2010

I’ve come to the conclusion that “3″ is an important number when assigning order to the universe. 

In fact, the number three led me to jump off the corporate ladder!

How, you ask?

I had been working with Michelle Stimpson, a professional coach and owner of LifeShine Coaching, for about three months. My objective: to improve my drive and intensity and commitment to my work, my career. I expected to achieve the passion I felt when my adventure at the large Fortune 50 corporation was new, and to embrace my future there with more vigor.

In reaching out to Michelle and establishing our professional relationship, at a gut level I knew I was preparing to transition. I thought I was transitioning toward better personal synergy at this Fortune 50 place. What I found out, through one of the first exercises I did, was that I actually was preparing to transition…OUT.

That meaningful exercise was based on a simple three-part grid. 

I oriented my blank 8½-by-11 sheet of paper horizontally, and placed it in front of me on my empty table. I started with a clean slate.  I divided the sheet into three equal parts: ENDINGS, NEUTRAL, and NEW BEGINNING/DESTINATION.

It was easy to name the things I wanted to walk away from, what I wanted to say goodbye to. I started to believe that I should depart. 

But, I couldn’t figure out where to go next without first knowing and understanding why I was leaving. My brain started to shift toward the future… letting go of the endings freed me up to dream of my new destination.

What do you want to say goodbye to?

This article series “Diary of a New Entrepreneur,” which appears every Friday on Tripping on the Ladder, chronicles the journey of our newest contributor, Jen the Catalyst (known in real life as Jen Woods Antila), as she leaves behind her corporate life to embark on the road toward self-employment—and self-discovery. Visit her blog at  jenthecatalyst.wordpress.com.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 22, 2010

One day last week, I had a small window of time between phone calls, so I thought I better walk over to our neighborhood library to return a few books whose due dates were quickly creeping up.

It was a relatively nice day, and I thought I could kill two birds with one stone by hitching the dog up to the leash and walking him to the library with me.

Our dog likes excitement—and it really doesn’t take much to qualify. He is delirious with happiness every time he hears any of the following, in no particular order:

“Do you want to…go potty?”

“Do you want to…go on a Field Trip?” (That’s our code word for a car ride.)

“Do you want to…have a treat?”

But today something interesting happened. I was about to ask, “Do you want to…go for a walk?” when I got interrupted and didn’t get to finish my sentence. All I said was, “Do you want to…?” (and then I paused to look at my BlackBerry), and yet the dog still nearly jumped out of his skin with enthusiasm.

It occurred to me that perhaps his excitement was in the prospect of something happening, not in the specific activity itself.

Those of us who are in career transition—either starting a new business venture or looking for that next job opportunity—often fall into this trap, too. How often do we find ourselves hinging all our hopes (and happiness) on the specifics of “what’s next” instead of on the “what’s now”? We tell ourselves we’ll be happy once we get that new job, make a certain amount of money, land that new client, achieve work/life balance, save enough to retire…you get the idea.  

But instead, maybe we are robbing ourselves of the ability to enjoy the mystery and the joy of the here and now. By focusing on the outcomes we think we need, perhaps we are neglecting some powerful gifts that are here right now—including the ability to “live in the moment.”

Try it today. Set aside the doubts and nagging voice that insists that the future will be your savior, and try to enjoy today in all of its beautiful, mysterious unfolding.

 By Jen the Catalyst
 (c) March 19, 2010

Today we bring you the first installment of a new article series, “Diary of a New Entrepreneur,” which chronicles the journey of our newest contributor, Jen the Catalyst (known in real life as Jen Woods Antila), as she leaves behind her corporate life to embark on the road toward self-employment—and self-discovery. You can read her latest adventures here every Friday on Tripping on the Ladder and visit her blog at  jenthecatalyst.wordpress.com.

Hi!

My name is Jen (Woods) Antila, and I’m so excited to begin sharing my journey with you!

How did I come to Tripping on the Ladder (and to be tripping on my own career ladder)?  Well, it’s a long story: 39 years of learning, 18 years of career, and now here I am, trying something new.  I am going to start my own business.

I’ll be writing a weekly column for this site, sharing my experiences as I start my business.  Some days it’s a labor of love, other days it’s learning something new, most days it’s a gift.  If you’re thinking about jumping off the corporate ladder, or you already have, or some days you wish you would… this column is for you.

I have already learned that each person has a unique path in life and in career, and as a result, the way I establish my new company is a variation on a theme.  My purpose in this column isn’t to share how to set up a new business, but to give inspiration that it can be done, and to provide some food for thought.

My hope is that you’ll read this column each week and leave with affirmation that you can do what you set your mind to.  I’ll share the resources, books and tools that have propelled me; the way I set up my days; and my milestones along the way. 

I’d love to establish a dialog with you!  I need inspiration and advice, too.  So, please engage in the conversation and be a part of my journey!  From time to time, I’ll ask questions and solicit opinions from you.  Please participate–I’d love to hear your points of view.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 18, 2010

My husband Ben and I are both from Wisconsin, and that makes us Packers fans.

So when we moved to Washington, D.C., and faced the prospect of not sitting in a stadium for an entire season, my husband convinced me that we should get season tickets for the Washington Redskins.

Now, normally this wouldn’t be a particularly controversial topic—but did you happen to notice the way the Redskins stole our money and self-destructed in a dramatic and humiliating way this past season?

Did you follow the news as the Redskins owner and front office made a fool of the now-former coach, Jim Zorn—who is by all accounts a nice and ethical guy, even if he wasn’t particularly qualified for the job—by stripping away his responsibilities, and his leadership, one at a time until there was nothing left? Did you notice that the front office brought in a “consultant” (Sherman Lewis – a great guy, by the way) to take over the play calling for then-Coach Zorn? Did you catch how quarterback Jason Campbell was sacked over and over and over?  

I could go on, but I think you get the point. It was a painful few months for Redskins fans of all stripes (even those of us who are actually Packers fans first and foremost). And yet, despite all the high-profile drama of an NFL team in distress, when you strip away the million-dollar endorsements, the big-name stars and the freshly manicured Astroturf, it’s still just a workplace like all the others.

So, to that end, what can we learn from the Redskins’ magnificent meltdown of ’09-‘10 that we can apply to our own professional circumstances?

Don’t micromanage.

The Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder is slammed in the press frequently for his various flaws and faults, not the least of which is his habit of micromanaging. The “PR spin” version is that he loves the team—his childhood heroes—so much that he just wants to do everything possible for success. (So is that why you charge a zillion dollars for a cup of hot chocolate from the concession stands and can’t even bother to pave the paid parking lot, Dan? Just asking.)

Most fans will probably tell you that he means well—but they’ll also tell you that his “helicopter parenting” of the team comes at a detriment.

An article in the January 6 issue of The Washington Post describes how Mr. Snyder would eat lunch with Coach Zorn every Friday in his office. They’d discuss on-field strategy, break down the game films, talk about player personnel issues and so forth.  (You mean the owner of a national football franchise really has nothing else to do but break down game films? Like, how about paving that parking lot, for example?)

And then there were reports  that when running back Clinton Portis, a prima donna in his own right, didn’t like something the coach was doing, he would go running to Snyder—bypassing the coach and the personnel director—to whine and complain.

Thank goodness for Bruce Allen, the newly hired General Manager, who insisted that Snyder put an end to his Friday micromanaging lunches and reinstituted a formal chain-of-command in which the buck stops with him. And Portis has been placed on notice that he is no longer the be-all, end-all, and that he’ll have to prove his worth in the new season.

Don’t we all know workplaces like this? The micromanaging boss. The “teacher’s pet” co-worker who goes running to the boss over every minor infraction. Being either of these people is unflattering, at best, and career-ending, at worst.

Take the high road.

Coach Jim Zorn was clearly in over his head. And as the news reports swirled and as the local press predicted his demise week after week, something really surprising happened. Coach Zorn continued to take the high road. It clearly was a horrible situation he found himself in (and likely contributed to), but never once did he bad mouth the team, his staff, the owner or the fans. And believe me, there was a lot he could have complained about. Even when his buddy, former congressman Steve Largent of Seattle, went public to express his dismay at Zorn’s treatment, Zorn himself downplayed it as simply the comments of a good friend who was being loyal but didn’t have all the facts.

A lesson for us all when the chips are down? The high road is the best place to be. (Not only that, but you have the best view of all the nonsense going on around and beneath you—and it really is beneath you.)  

It’s not all bad.

The Redskins finished the season 4-12 – probably the worst season on record for the franchise, the worst win-loss finish of any team in the conference and certainly a very poor showing within the league as a whole. When it comes to the bad news, that’s about as bad as it gets.

But here’s something interesting. Coach Zorn, who was relieved of his duties at the end of the season, immediately landed in a new position as quarterbacks coach with the Baltimore Ravens. Quarterback Jason Campbell, who quietly suffered along with everyone else during the season, finally found his voice. Mike Shanahan was hired as the new coach, and he has made clear his expectations for the team in the coming season. Owner Dan Snyder has backed off, at least for now. There is both relief and a sense of renewed hope.

The lesson? No matter how bad things get—either due to circumstances, the actions of the fools around us or simply of our own making—change is always possible, hope is never far away, and time and distance always give us a renewed sense of perspective.

Now, Mr. Snyder, about paving that parking lot…

 By Jenaissance
 (c) February 26, 2010

 People who know me well know that I am an unapologetic incubator of ideas.

Some of these little moments of brilliance (or idiocracy, as the case may be) come to fruition, others are foolhardy, but all get equal time in deliberation.

So, it makes me delighted whenever I come across other people’s brilliant ideas. In this new column, The Idea Incubator, I’ll periodically review golden ideas I run into that may benefit you and your loved ones in career transition.

 So, to kick us off here:

As I was flipping through the March 2010 issue of Self magazine, I stumbled upon this great little gem: a short review of Richard Sandomir’s book The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything. The premise: With March Madness season soon upon us, the article says, why not take the tool of all college basketball affecienados—the bracket—and apply it to your daily life?

Wondering where to go on vacation or debating what to name the new baby? Agonize no more. Choose your top four, eight or 16 vacation destinations, baby names or fill-in-the-blank options, and set up brackets to help you narrow down to a final choice.

If you’re in career transition, you might benefit from brackets as a decision-making tool to help you identify:

• Where to focus your job search efforts, if you’re seeking a new job
• Where to focus your next marketing efforts, if you’re starting a new business
• How to spend that tax refund or the $50 birthday check from your parents
• Where to begin on achieving your professional and personal development efforts

Here’s an illustration of how this could work for you, when you are faced with a long list of ideas but are unsure where to begin. Try it out and let us know how it worked for you!

 By Jennifer Cohen
 (c) February 25, 2010

So I was at the gym the other day and on the back of a shirt, I saw the phrase:

Running is a metaphor for life. You get out of it what you put into it.

Naturally I sped up on the treadmill and ran an extra mile…

So I started thinking how true that statement is and how it really does apply to everything we do. If we simply exist, we will exist. Things will happen, but nothing extraordinary if we aren’t doing anything extraordinary.

My feelings were solidified when I met a woman at a networking meeting the other day. The woman was laid off a few months ago and was starting a new job the following Monday. We made jokes about being unemployed and how we went through a lot of the same troubles. We both went through the motivated stage, then the disappointment phase, and then got right back into the motivation (those phases–shaped like a dip–seem to be more common then you’d think).

We also spoke about how she was able to make looking for a job like a job. She spent at least 8 hours a day doing research, creating a marketing piece for herself, sending resumes and attending networking meetings. In addition, she spent some time volunteering and joined a few industry associations, in which she become a board member. These efforts helped her meet people, work on her skills and, ultimately, land a job opportunity.

I guess sometimes we prevent ourselves from putting out the effort because we can’t identify the rewards or don’t think they are possible…but really, they will never be possible if you don’t try, and if you don’t try your absolute hardest. So why not? Why not try just a little harder and put a little more into it? You might be surprised with how much more will come out of it!

“Fired…Four Times” is a monthly column written by 20-something Jennifer Cohen, chronicling her experiences being fired, four times, and ultimately reinventing herself in a new and successful career as a marketing and social media consultant.

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) February 17, 2010

Your Desperate Workingwife, Diva Nikki, is on a wonderful vacation this week with my husband and parents in the Happiest Place on Earth. 

To answer any questions:

1. No, we did not spend money we don’t have to take a vacation while my husband is still in career transition.
2. My parents are celebrating their 43^rd wedding anniversary today, and wanted to take a special trip to commemorate their many years of happiness together.
3. As a Christmas gift to us, they brought my husband and me with them.
4. Yes, my parents are generous, wonderful, amazing people.
5. No, they are currently not looking to adopt more children…

While I’m spending much needed time off in a world far, far from reality, I’d love to hear from you.

 

What would you like to see me write about in future articles?

Which do you enjoy more – helpful tips with practical advice, or sharing personal feelings and experience?  Or both?

Are there any sources of information you think would inspire the readers of this column?

Are there any topics I’ve written about so far that you found particularly helpful or would like me to write more about?

Leave a message in the comments or e-mail me directly. I write this column for you! 

In the meantime…I have a date with a giant mouse…