Tripping On The Ladder

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 29, 2010

A couple weeks ago, I started running.  

It’s actually going relatively well so far. (And no one is nearly as surprised by this as me, it seems.)

But this past Saturday morning, I jumped on the treadmill to follow the day’s plan. About three minutes in, I thought to myself, “This is kind of hard today.” At five minutes in, I thought, “I shouldn’t have eaten that nutritionally devoid scone for breakfast.” At seven minutes in, I thought, “I might not be able to do this today.” But, I told myself to “Cut it out” and when a good song popped up on my iPod, I was able to stop thinking about how miserable I was and instead continued on for another 20 minutes until my time was up.

A similar thing happens to our dog—not with running, but with barking. When our dog gets overly excited, he starts barking. We’ve discovered that the best way to get him to stop is to calmly distract him with a fascinating treat or toy. My husband says it’s almost like the dog’s brain needs to be redirected from the scary/exciting/threatening thing to something calming and enjoyable.

When it comes to life—and all its transitions, stressors, questions and opportunities—sometimes getting over the hump really is as simple as “redirecting” our thinking. Lucinda Bassett, a longtime sufferer of anxiety and now an expert in the field of anxiety, advises clients whose minds are reeling to picture a stop sign, and to go so far as to say to themselves, “STOP!” The technique is designed to get your attention, so you can redirect your thinking to something more positive.

A few years ago, a friend of mine was let go from a job that, quite frankly, he’d long outgrown. He called me after it happened, and understandably he was feeling a little shocked and disappointed. I remember telling him at the time that it was clear to me that he needed to “move on” from there—and that his termination, no matter how painful, was a necessary signal to grab his attention and essentially force him to “move on.” It wasn’t long before he found his dream job.   

Whether a great song on your iPod, a doggie treat, a stop sign or a difficult conversation at the office, what in your life is trying to get your attention today, to help you stop dwelling on the “old” and instead move you in a new direction?

And, when it does, how will you answer the call?

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 23, 2010

When our nation’s forefathers boldly assured future generations “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” they had a very big vision indeed.

Unfortunately, the Declaration of Independence didn’t come with an annotated bibliography for how to go about pursuing that happiness. And, when left to our own devices, experts say we tend to go about it all wrong.

Here’s a personal example.

At various points in my life, I thought I would be happier if I had a different job. Lived in Washington, D.C. Lived anywhere else but Washington, D.C. Made more money. Made less money but had more time. Took more vacations. Had a BlackBerry. Didn’t have a BlackBerry. Lived in a different house. Had more closet space.  Had a car with a sunroof.

Many of you likely have had feelings similar to mine, preoccupied with striving for personal and professional contentment.

It’s such a rite of passage in our culture that it seems like this is just the way we’re supposed to find our bliss, with the hope that one day, we’ll finally crack the code and it will all fall into perfect place and we will be satisifed.

But you know what? We’ve got it all wrong.

In her book The How of Happiness, research psychologist Sonya Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., says years of documented research and studies point to a very startling fact: Only 10% of a person’s happiness is impacted by situational factors. In other words, your job—or your home, the city in which you live, the car you drive, the spouse you chose—only accounts for a tiny fraction of your overall perceived well-being.

In fact, she says, studies show that 50% of our happiness level is credited to our DNA (our “set point” that determines how we’re hardwired, how resilient we are likely to be), 10 % is due to life’s circumstances and a whopping 40% of our happiness quotient is actually attributed to what she calls our “intentional activity” or the actions we deliberately bring to every situation—our attitude, our thoughts, our daily practices and rituals.

So, to put it plainly, we’ve been grabbing at all the wrong straws. (And if anything, the current state of the economy should be illustrating for us just how true this is. Countless folks who have bravely faced job losses and financial difficulties these past couple years—and even those who are employed but intentionally “tightening their belts”—are often among the first to express that downsizing and simplifying has come with its own surprising sets of joys.)

While it’s nice to have a fulfilling occupation, a house that feels like home, and a spouse who sees our best selves even when we don’t, a statistically surer road to happiness can be found not by searching outward for it but by simply deciding to create and cultivate it for ourselves.

Lyobomirsky says that it’s important to think about happiness as a continuum, sort of like your temperature. There are days when you may be happier and days when you will be a little less happy. But, on the balance, the happiest people share some of the same characteristics, including:

• Devoting time to family and friends and nurturing these relationships.
• Feeling comfortable expressing gratitude for what they have.
• Being willing to help others.
• Practicing optimism when considering the future.
• “Living in the moment.”
• Taking time for regular exercise.
• Committing to lifelong goals and ambitions.
• Possessing strength and poise in the face of crisis or stress.

The best news of all? All of these characteristics of happy people are within our reach–and can be learned!

To find out how, check out The How of Happiness, which includes several customized tools to help you evaluate your current ”set point” and to identify an action plan with 12 strategies that will help you focus your efforts on the 40% of your actions that will make the most difference in your pursuit of happiness.

 By Jennifer Cohen
 (c) February 25, 2010

So I was at the gym the other day and on the back of a shirt, I saw the phrase:

Running is a metaphor for life. You get out of it what you put into it.

Naturally I sped up on the treadmill and ran an extra mile…

So I started thinking how true that statement is and how it really does apply to everything we do. If we simply exist, we will exist. Things will happen, but nothing extraordinary if we aren’t doing anything extraordinary.

My feelings were solidified when I met a woman at a networking meeting the other day. The woman was laid off a few months ago and was starting a new job the following Monday. We made jokes about being unemployed and how we went through a lot of the same troubles. We both went through the motivated stage, then the disappointment phase, and then got right back into the motivation (those phases–shaped like a dip–seem to be more common then you’d think).

We also spoke about how she was able to make looking for a job like a job. She spent at least 8 hours a day doing research, creating a marketing piece for herself, sending resumes and attending networking meetings. In addition, she spent some time volunteering and joined a few industry associations, in which she become a board member. These efforts helped her meet people, work on her skills and, ultimately, land a job opportunity.

I guess sometimes we prevent ourselves from putting out the effort because we can’t identify the rewards or don’t think they are possible…but really, they will never be possible if you don’t try, and if you don’t try your absolute hardest. So why not? Why not try just a little harder and put a little more into it? You might be surprised with how much more will come out of it!

“Fired…Four Times” is a monthly column written by 20-something Jennifer Cohen, chronicling her experiences being fired, four times, and ultimately reinventing herself in a new and successful career as a marketing and social media consultant.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) February 9, 2010

Here in the nation’s capital, we have been buried under piles of snow since last Friday afternoon, with another foot or more expected to fall tonight and tomorrow.

While it’s fun to be essentially marooned in the house (thankfully, we have power but thousands of others are not so lucky), even the dog is getting a little sick of staring at the same four walls for days on end. We haven’t figured out how to break it to him that the cabin fever is likely to persist for several more days.

These “snow days” got me thinking about how routines—or lack thereof—can both foster and impede progress. A snow day is a transition in miniature, and there are some lessons that can be applied to transitions of any kind.

1. Break up the routine.
   I wish I had a dollar for all the Facebook postings by friends gleefully exclaiming that work had been shut down on Monday (and then again on Tuesday) due to the snow. There’s a little kid inside all of us who is gleeful anytime the routine gets broken. A free day! No suit and tie! No demands! No obligations! An excuse to park the BlackBerry in the drawer!

   When you’re in career transition, your normal routine is probably different now than it once was, but it’s still easy to get stuck in a rut (even if it’s a rut of “waiting” or of doing “nothing”). Don’t wait for the snow to give you an excuse to break up your routine – Do one thing different today to keep your perspective fresh and your energy high. It can be simple, like going to Starbucks for a Cinnamon Dolce Latte instead of your usual brewed-at-home boring coffee. Or wearing something that’s been in the back of the closet for awhile. Or going to a quirky coffeehouse to do some work, for a change of venue. Or meeting a friend for lunch or visiting a museum in the middle of the day.

   Even in career transition, it’s possible to reclaim that same “giddy,” joyful feeling that a snow day can evoke.

2. But keep some semblance of routine, anyway.
   Despite the thrill of the snow day, by the time you’ve been stuck in the house for four days, the joy and charm of it all starts to wane a bit. The groceries run low. Your pale white skin starts to look green from lack of sunlight. So, while I advocate mixing up the routine a bit, it pays to keep some semblance of a routine in place so you can keep your wits about you.

   The same is true for those of us in career transition. What begins as a liberating moment can one day make you feel stuck. A friend of mine who’s been self-employed off and on over the years gave me this piece of advice when I left my job to start my own business: “Get up and get dressed every day as if you were still going in to the office.”

   While we sure wouldn’t fault you for the occasional day spent in sweat pants, try to “show up” for yourself every day by putting a little effort into your routine.  

3. Do the thing that’s been hanging over your head.
   There were dozens of things I really could have—or should have—tended to while being stranded in the house over the weekend. Gathering paperwork for tax time, ironing my husband’s dress shirts (I offer to do this for him, by the way) and working on a project for a client were on the list. Instead, I organized my sock drawer.

   Why the sock drawer, you may ask? Well, it had become a jumbled mess, and every time I opened the drawer to pull out a pair, I was reminded of how much it was annoying me. I longed for the basic order of a well-tidied sock drawer: one row for athletic socks, one row for dress socks, one row for casual and wool socks (and the fabulous socks my friend Nikki knits for me, which are simply the best!).

   When you are in job transition, there are likely a few tasks—some small, some large— that are hanging over your head: unfinished business in your personal or professional life that you keep bumping into. Give yourself permission, for just one hour or just one day, to focus your efforts on dealing with them for once and for all. You can always get back to “business as usual” tomorrow.

4. Seek out community.
   As the snow began to fall already last Friday, a neighbor knocked on our door to let us know about an impromptu happy hour in the community room of our condo building.  Then, on Saturday, another knock on the door – the same neighbor, with another invitation to another impromptu party. We don’t usually socialize with our neighbors (in fact, until we got our dog, we barely knew anyone here) but we decided it would be a fun change of pace, so we went. We stayed for hours. We met a woman originally from Minnesota, a military officer who works at the Pentagon, a former interior designer who is writing a cookbook, a fellow writer who moonlights as a dog-walker,  a newcomer from Connecticut who just moved here in December. We left feeling a lot of goodwill and affection toward our neighbors. Now when we leave our building and run into someone, instead of simply asking, “How’s the dog?”, they now also ask, “How’s business? How’s your family? Heading back to Wisconsin soon?”

   When you’re in transition, it’s easy to wall yourself off from people – maybe because you are so focused on your “next thing” or perhaps because you feel like less of yourself right now. But now is not the time to hunker down alone. Even if you don’t feel like you can (or want to) actively seek out community right now, at least allow yourself to be invited into one.  You will leave a more fulfilled and supported person, I promise you.

   And, even if nothing else, perhaps you will leave with the name of a good dog walker!

 Guest Column By Marni Hockenberg
 (c) January 8, 2010

A job search can easily be put on the back burner during the holidays, especially if the search has lasted six months or longer.

It’s good to recharge yourself during the holidays to avoid job search burnout. But, like allowing yourself just one more holiday cookie, the temptation to play now and pay later can be dangerous. Moderation is the key.

Hopefully during this holiday season, you enjoyed your down time while also taking some simple and practical steps to jump-start your 2010 job search. But even if you didn’t, it’s not too late to boost your efforts now that the first days of the new year are upon us.

Reflect on your 2009 job search.
Write down five activities you did that successfully moved your job search in the right direction. Keep doing them in 2010. Then write down five activities that didn’t provide traction and discontinue them in 2010.

In other words, make a resolution to be intentional and use your time wisely.

Find an “Accountability Buddy.”
Job searching can be lonely—but with a buddy, you don’t need to be the Lone Ranger anymore. Write down and review your daily, weekly and monthly job search goals with your buddy. Ask him or her to hold you accountable. When you achieve your goals, your buddy can celebrate with you!

Flashcards will give your interview “flash”
Remember flashcards? I used them in school to learn math (where are they? I still need them!). Buy a pack and write down the tough interview questions that stump you.

Formulate your answers and ask your Accountability Buddy to participate in a mock interview with you. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

Preparation is key in a job interview! 

Attend job search educational workshops, forums and meetings.
Even if you learn one tip that will propel you toward achieving your goal, it will be worth your time.

For example, I’m offering an interactive Interview Workshop on January 12, 2010, titled “How The Hiring Game Is Really Played: Experienced Recruiter Reveals 9 Interview Secrets!” from 8:15-10:30 a.m. at the Ridgedale Library in Minnetonka, Minn. For those of you in the Twin Cities area who’d like to register, visit my Web site at www.hockenbergsearch.com/calendar. For those of you in other parts of the country, seek out workshops that will help you build your skills to become a more confident and prepared job-seeker.

No matter what you do, the simple steps you take now can pay dividends as the new year unfolds!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Guest columnist Marni Hockenberg is principal of Hockenberg Search, a professional and managerial recruiting firm based in Minnetonka, Minn. With more than two decades of recruiting and business consulting experience, Marni Hockenberg has a proven track record of providing focused, personalized search services to small- and medium-sized businesses to help them find, recruit and retain top-tier talent. 

 By Jenaissance
 (c) December 14, 2009

A month ago, my husband and I became the proud “parents” of a miniature dachshund, Lazarus, whom we adopted after he was rescued from the pits of neglect.

He was in tough shape, having scratched or bitten off his fur after a severe flea infestation and subsequent allergies, and his ribs stuck out after being without food in an empty home for about a month before he was discovered. Frankly, he looked pretty pitiful, but we fell in love with him anyway. And while our dog brings a very sociable and clever dynamic to the household, he also brings a litany of health problems that we are still working with our vet to treat.

What’s been particularly interesting to me over these past few weeks, though, is how much we have to learn from these little creatures—even a “sad sack on the mend” like Lazarus. (And, frankly, don’t we feel like sad sacks ourselves far too often?) No matter how rough things get, that tail still wags. So, if you are feeling the “dog days” of unemployment or career transition like so many, take a few lessons from your friendly Fido.

The more friends you make, the more treats you get. (Or, the benefits of networking.)
Ben and I have lived in our condo in D.C. for three years. In that time, we have met one neighbor, maybe two. Then we bring home a dog and suddenly everyone knows Lazarus. By name, even. They stop to greet him in the entryway, they yell “Good morning, Lazarus!” from down the hall, they come up to him on the sidewalk to give him a treat. I’ve observed that the friendlier he is to our neighbors, the more he gets from them in terms of attention, affection and treats.

Sure Lazarus is impossibly cute. But the real skill is that he enjoys making friends. The tail wags, he prances over, he makes a big fuss of saying hello. In short, he demonstrates that his friends—old and new—are important to him. In fairness, I couldn’t recall the last time I acted so interested in seeing our neighbors. Lesson learned.

When’s the last time we ever greeted a friend or new acquaintance so enthusiastically? And why haven’t we? Start today. Challenge yourself not just to say “hi” but to actually have a conversation with someone new. You never know what new doors will open or friendships built. (Just, please, no barking.

Wag more, bark less.
Lazarus is pretty happy-go-lucky. He’s in the business of being hopeful—hopeful that a treat might fall into path, hopeful that you will tickle his belly, hopeful that someone or something interesting is just around the corner. In effect, he prefers to “wag more and bark less.”

I saw this phrase on a bumper sticker over the weekend. So true. It’s easy to let the chips get you down—and in this current economy more chips seem to be down than up. But you’ll be happier, healthier and more content when you focus more on the good things in your life and dwell less on the things that are less-than-ideal right now. It’s hard to do, but it’s important to try.

Respect the boundaries (but do challenge them when necessary).
Lazarus is not allowed in the kitchen, but this doesn’t stop him from trying sometimes. Oh, sure, he’ll sit quietly on the edge of the tile where the hallway meets the kitchen most of the time, but he throws all caution to the wind if the prospect of a treat is on the horizon.

It makes me wonder how often we play by the rules when, on occasion, breaking the rules might be in our best interests. Are you sitting on an imaginary line of someone else’s creation, waiting for something that may or may not happen? Or, when the reward is right in front of you, or even hidden behind a door somewhere, are you willing to just go for it?

Never feel guilty for resting.
I am not, and never have been, a morning person. So, when we decided to get a dog, I worried that I would not be able to manage those early-morning wake-up calls. Instead, we were blessed with a dog who is clearly not a morning person, either! Lazarus would sack in until noon if he could. And he often does, waking up only long enough for a potty break and breakfast in the early morning hours, before going back to snooze for hours on end. And you know what? He feels no shame.

You shouldn’t, either. Rest is important. In fact, it’s vital to a healthy life. When you need to rest— especially in these challenging times when you are working so hard and feeling like you are getting nowhere fast—just do it. Everything else can wait…at least until your nap is done.

You are worthy.
Lazarus just expects to be loved and adored. It’s not even a question in his mind. And the more he expects it, the more it seems to happen for him. He believes he is worthy of the pat on the head, the treat, the walk—yes, even the fish fillet he snatched off my husband’s plate when he looked away for all of five seconds. With him, there are no apologies, no half measures, no “what if’s.”

Wouldn’t it be great if we felt like we are worthy of success, joy, happiness, contentment, rewards? We are, you know. So, go for it! Claim what you would like to see happen. Be bold. Just do it!

By Jennifer Cohen
(c) November 23, 2009

Most likely you heard the old “we are going to have to let you go,” which is translated into “you’re fired.” Your heart probably pounded, your palms got sweaty, you felt a flush of heat through your body and you didn’t know how to respond.

You either chose to protest out of anger and explained why they are making a mistake with this decision (obviously you are awesome and don’t deserve termination), or you started asking questions to gain a better understanding as to why this unfortunate decision came about (clearly there is a misunderstanding). Either way, it is a gut reaction to emotion, but it is a decision rarely reversed and often shouldn’t be.

You are upset, confused, hurt, angry, scared or any combination of those emotions. You should be because being fired isn’t easy. Being fired is a true test of your versatility, resilience, attitude and sense of humor.

As a product of this situation (four times), I can tell you what I learned and give you some insight into your next steps and hopefully, this will make things a little easier.

Grieve and then accept.
Of course you must allow yourself some time to be upset and question your self-worth (it happens to everyone). You will second-guess every decision you ever made and wonder if you are following a path made for someone else. Allow SOME time for this, but not too much. Once you get to the point where you feel sorry for yourself in every way possible, you have to pick up the pieces and quit feeling sorry. Make a conscious decision to make a change and get moving!

Embrace the time.
Take a few days “off.” Seriously, enjoy the quasi-vacation and do something you always claimed you didn’t have time to do. This could mean a day trip to a park, a run on a trail or taking your family on a picnic. Also, take the time between jobs to reflect on what you truly want out of life. Decide your aspirations and what fulfills you. This might be your opportunity to choose a new path and profession. Prioritize based on your necessities and lifestyle. If you have a family to support and/or purchases needing financial attention, take those into consideration when deciding you want to be a Rockstar—that might not be the best choice, although a life-long dream you always wanted to come true.

Decide and devise.
Decide what you are going to do and devise a plan to get you there. Pick the long-term goal and keep an eye on the prize and then seek feedback. Sometimes when we see the wealth of opportunity, we lose sight on reality and feasibility. Consult a loved one for feedback on your plan to be sure you are shooting for the stars and not a completely different galaxy.

Execute. Do it.
Seriously, take your plan and start making decisions and taking actions. A well-designed plan won’t get you anywhere if you don’t take it seriously and make moves in the right direction. Don’t be all talk and no action.

Don’t lose hope.
There is no doubt you will get discouraged. The momentum you feel from networking and sending resumes will start to wear, but be positive. You can’t give up because the minute you do, you lose. The only thing you have is your internal inspiration and ability to kick yourself in the butt so keep kicking!

Remember that you were fired because the opportunity was no longer the right opportunity.

Onward and upward!

“Fired…Four Times” is a monthly column written by 20-something Jennifer Cohen, chronicling her experiences being fired, four times, and ultimately reinventing herself in a new and successful career as a marketing and social media consultant. Her next column will appear in December.

 By Tripping on the Ladder
 (c) 2009

We spend so much time, money and effort in pursuit of our academic and career  goals–and, in a down economy like the one we’re in, increasing numbers of people are pursuing expensive graduate and professional degrees while waiting for the employment forecast to improve.  

So what happens, either today or sometime down the road, when, after working so hard to achieve your career aspirations, you discover it’s not as fulfilling as you had hoped?

In this edition of “Ask the Experts,” we turn to one of our regular experts, Julie Paleen of Blue Star Group, to shine the spotlight on this frequent experience and what to do from here.

To read this and other recent Ask the Experts columns, click here.

 Featuring Julie Paleen
 Professional Coach and HR Consultant, Blue Star Group
 

Do you have a question you’d like to “Ask the Experts”? Submit your question to editor@trippingontheladder.

 
 By Jenaissance
 (c) October 11, 2009

Professional Coach
A professional coach (or job coach) provides focused and personalized career-related counseling to professionals in job-related transition. A reputable career coach can help you identify your skills and strengths and apply them to meaningful employment opportunities. Career counselors often have a portfolio of assessment and inventory tools at their disposal to really help you hone in on who you are, what unique skills and interests you possess, what your vocational aspirations are, how to “sell” yourself vis-à-vis professional hallmarks you’ve achieved, and how to apply all of these elements to your next career venture. Professional coaching engagements usually last between two to six months. 

Call on a professional coach if you are looking for: 

• Help identifying your skills and interests and possible career matches that tap into those skills and interests. 
• Focused help with resume writing, interview preparation, networking plans, job search coaching and compensation negotiations.

What to look for:

• A coach who has had some “real life” experiences as an employee him/herself.
• Someone who is certified in at least a couple assessment tools (i.e., interest inventories, Myers-Briggs personality profiling, etc.).
• A coach who is equipped to help coach through the “closing” stage of a new job opportunity, and who has first-hand knowledge about market pricing, compensation elements and negotiation skills.
• Someone with a “point of view”—opinions, competencies and viewpoints that aid in career transition or securing a new position. (more…)