Tripping On The Ladder

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) March 24, 2010

 Several weeks ago, I mentioned that I was blessed with a vacation to Walt Disney World with my husband and parents. In short: it was great!

Anyone who’s ever read a business book or journal is likely familiar with the fact that Disney. Does. Things. Well. 

They are a well-oiled machine of great customer service and experience perfection.

 While I was there, it struck me that there were actually some lessons to be learned at the Big Mouse’s House about being in transition.

It’s always better to wait less than your expected time than to wait more.
At each and every ride, there is a clever signage system (some now more high-tech than others) to let you know how long the wait is expected to be before you climb in a boat/honey pot/flying elephant and have an adventure. 

The cleverness is this: the time actually posted is always longer than your actual wait time. So when you wait only 20 minutes instead of the 35 you were expecting – you’re happy about it. If you’re in career transition, the lesson here is to be careful about setting timelines for yourself. It’s better to expect a long wait and be pleasantly surprised than to plan on a short wait and be disappointed.

Waiting is less unpleasant when you’ve got fun distractions to keep you occupied.
You cannot go to Walt Disney World and avoid being in a queue. It’s amazing how even at the airport, they begin preparing you to wait for absolutely everything you’re going to do, be it board a bus, go on a ride, make a trip to a restroom or dine at a restaurant. You absolutely will wait…and in an organized fashion.

Speaking of celebrating, Diva Nikki's parents celebrated their 43rd anniversary!

But – they are masters at providing great distraction while you’re waiting. Maybe it’s a fun video, or larger-than-life displays of toys or even replicas of “scientific” evidence that yetis really do exist. Whichever tactic – it works. Suddenly the wait seems less about aching feet and more about an engaged mind.

The lesson here is that while in career transition, try to find at least some amount of pleasant distraction while you wait. As Jenaissance pointed out in a recent article – time can be a gift. In addition to the hard work of job searching, be sure you throw in a little fun, too. It might just make you forget for a minute that you’re waiting.

Celebrate everything.
The theme this year at Walt Disney World is, “What will you celebrate?” Absolutely everywhere from the transportation to the restaurants, that theme was present.

"Celebrate Volunteers" dessert

My dessert plate at one of the restaurants even had “Celebrate Volunteers” stamped in chocolate. The mid-afternoon parades were about celebrating. When making dinner reservations online, there was even a spot to indicate what you were celebrating.

What’s the lesson here? Celebrate even the small things. Getting a job interview, finishing a project, even making a great new contact – spend at least a few seconds celebrating your accomplishment.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 2, 2010

Each Christmas, I ask for the Life’s Little Instructions desk calendar for the coming year.

I love all the nuggets of wisdom it offers and I keep it on the counter in the kitchen “staging area” (the place where the mail and bills stack up and the cell phone charges) so I can glance at it often as I am going about my day.

Today’s “little instructions” calendar page really struck a chord with me—and I think it will with you, too. It says, simply:

“Treasure time. No amount of money can retrieve a single second.”

Wow. This one really hit me.

A year and a half ago, I went on a family “girls weekend” to Chicago to celebrate my aunt’s birthday, and I ended up missing some of the fun because I was stuck dealing with a work crisis for half of the weekend. There is nothing like stuffing yourself into a corner of the cosmetics section at Macy’s on Michigan Avenue on a crowded Saturday afternoon and frantically typing missives on your BlackBerry to folks back at the office to make you aware that your work and life are completely out of whack.

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

A year ago, I went on vacation with some friends to Las Vegas. My friend had specifically asked me if I could leave my BlackBerry at home this time. I said I would do my best, but I still found myself sneaking into the women’s locker room at the spa in my robe, in between the hot stone massage and the pedicure, to quickly address a problem back at the office.  At the spa, for pete’s sake!

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

Six months ago, I asked my husband what we should do for vacation. “I thought you didn’t take vacations anymore,” he said to me.

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

Over the summer, a close family friend died unexpectedly. Several months later, in the middle of the night, my parents called with the news that my uncle had been killed in an accident—on a highway he traveled daily for a decade. We miss them so much. We were blessed to have spent many wonderful moments with them…but what if we hadn’t made the time?

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

The fact of the matter is that (1) Life deals us what life deals us, and (2) We are the only ones who have the ultimate authority to be the stewards of our time, in a way that aligns with our values.

One of the reasons I left my job and started my own business is because I reached a point where enough was enough. I wanted to be the captain of my own destiny, and that included having the final say on where and how I spend my time.  Obviously it’s not all “fun and games” all the time – There are still responsibilities and deadlines and clients who need attention. But I didn’t want to miss out on another thing I value, personally or professionally.  

Individuals in job transition—whether looking for that next job opportunity or starting a new business venture—may not have the benefit of a regular, robust paycheck, but we do have an even more important gift on our hands in the interim: the gift of time.  

Take full advantage of this gift. How will you spend it? Here are a few ideas:

Make things right with the people who’ve been craving your time and attention. Maybe, like me, you were working in a pressure cooker, glued to your BlackBerry and dealing with one crisis or issue after another in a high-stress work environment. Or, alternatively, perhaps you were so burned out that you were too tired to participate in activities with your family or friends, even when you were available. If you blew off someone important to you, even if they understand that you were in survival mode at the time, you owe them an apology. Do it today.  Make things right again.

Create a time “hierarchy” list  in which you assign all key areas of your life a priority. If spending time with your kids is your top priority, rank that “No. 1.” Maybe volunteering at your church or synagogue is your “No. 2” priority. Ranking these key areas of your life will help you make better decisions about where your time goes.

Set aside a few minutes each week to call or e-mail a friend, loved one or colleague. Let them know what they mean to you. Even if you can’t be with them frequently, let them know they are important to you—in your own words.

Identify two or three drains on your time and take steps to remove them.
Perhaps you were cornered into volunteering for a project that doesn’t rank high on your priority list. Or, maybe you find yourself continuing certain habits that no longer fit your current lifestyle.

Write down a “mission statement” for how you will better maintain boundaries to manage your work/life flow.
For example, will you promise to only check your BlackBerry once a day while you’re on vacation? Or, better yet, will you arrange for a trusted friend or colleague to be a first point of contact for your business dealings while you are away? If you are invited to two events at the same time, will you always give priority to the family activity or the activity involving your closest friends?

Identify areas of your life where you are suffering from “diminishing returns.”
I know some people who will drive 30 miles to save $1.00 at a grocery store. And while it’s certainly true that many of us are being more fiscally careful during this down economy, are you wasting your time for such a small return? There are likely several areas of your life where you are saving money but wasting an awful lot of time. See if you can’t bring these a little closer into alignment.

Do the thing you’ve always been wanting to do but never had the time.
Maybe it’s taking a class at the gym that was always out of reach because it’s in the middle of the work day. Perhaps it’s working from a funky little coffee shop, which your old boss never would’ve given you permission to do. Or, maybe you simply relish the ability to take a book and sit in the park for a few minutes each afternoon.

We are blessed with the gift of time. And, at the end of our lives, that’s what we will remember and treasure most of all. Why not use this time of transition to really focus on what matters most?

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) January 27, 2010

In one of my recent posts, I talked a bit about how the journey with a spouse in career transition can be a long one. 

So what do you do when the magical end date for unemployment insurance is getting closer and closer at hand? How, you may ask, do you cut things back even further when you’ve already been cutting back?

I’m going to preface the following with a disclaimer. (Thank you, 11 years of working with lawyers in a highly regulated industry.) I am not a financial advisor, nor do I suggest any of the following as official financial advice. You really need to consult your own professional financial about what makes sense for your situation and what your options are. What I do want to offer, however, is food for thought from my own life.

Here are some things to consider as the journey gets longer.

Look at your budget…again.
There are “nice to haves” and “need to haves.” For example, saving for retirement is a really important strategy. And…it also won’t kill our entire future if we stop investing for a few months. 

Rethink priorities…again.
Here’s an example. Our cable bill just went up. And we started thinking hard about whether cable is a necessity or just a nicety. Especially in the days of Hulu.com – is it worth over $100 a month for the convenience of flipping through a bunch channels just because we’re bored?  Or could we get by with Internet and more time to read books?

Protect the income you do have.
As the sole breadwinner, I decided to take out a disability insurance policy for myself, above what my employer already covered. It’s an added expense (at a time we don’t need additions), but for me it was worth knowing that if something happened to me while my husband’s still looking for work, the income we do have would be safer.

Encourage your spouse to start broadening the job search.
Undesirable as this prospect may be, if the realities of this economy and job market are such that he’s just not finding a job that fulfills his worth and experience, it might be time to broaden the options. Discuss the possibility of looking for less senior positions or positions in former fields of expertise. Or, if your family situation would allow, discuss the possibility of broadening the geographic part of the search. There may be more opportunity in other areas.

If dire straits are truly near, consider part-time work.
Not that any career professional (let alone an MBA) would relish the thought, but asking if “you want fries with that” would at least help make ends meet if you need to make up for unemployment insurance when it ends. And a part-time schedule would allow for networking and job searching time. If you want to be really supportive, you could consider part-time work, too. Perhaps working weekends at a shop you love.

Consider the value of your clutter.
Do you have things around the house you don’t use but may have value? For instance, since my husband and I got iPods, we realized we never used our CDs anymore. So we sold them to a used book store and made several hundred dollars. Look around to see if there might be things you could trade in for cash. 

Hang in there and keep supporting each other.
You will get through this. Together. There will be a better future.

 Posted by Jenaissance
 (c) January 25, 2010

We are emerging, slowly, from the worst recession in our lifetime, one that has crippled our financial centers, dried up jobs and easy credit, and sent our expectations, not to mention our wallets, reeling.

So why, then, are we so happy?

In the November 23, 2009, issue of Time magazine, columnist Nancy Gibbs writes about the “happiness paradox.” Pollsters have measured (albeit awkwardly) “national attitude” over the years, which, not surprisingly, hit its lowest points in 1973, 1982, 1992 and 2001—all recession years. More recently, when the Gallup-Healthways Well Being Index was launched in January 2008, it too sought to measure national “mood.” When the economy hit its roughest patch during the summer months of 2008, so did the national “mood”—until a surprising and paradoxical thing happened. By summer 2009, the national mood had increased to a level even higher than it had been in 2008, before the economy collapsed.

Writes Gibbs: “I’m struck by how many people tell pollsters that the voluntary downshifting and downsizing of the past year have come as a kind of relief. Maybe we’ve lowered our standards. But we already knew that money can buy only comfort, not contentment; happiness correlates much more closely with our causes and connections than with our net worth.”

I tested this theory anecdotally on a random sample of friends and acquaintances whose households are in transition for one reason or another.  I asked what transition-inspired changes they’ve made and whether they are happier as a result. Here’s what they had to say.

“My husband and I resolved to do more entertaining at home in 2010 vs. meeting friends at restaurants. We love how the house feels in prep for, during and after guests…and many favorite culinary Web sites and magazines are featuring thrifty and tasty menus that feed a table of friends for a fraction of dinner out for two. We’re trying to focus on honoring special occasions in family and friends’ lives for the themes…heartwarming all around.” (Natalie, Minneapolis)

“I’m eating at home more. It is healthier and I feel better. I am working on finding balance in my life and comfort in my house because I cannot afford to go anywhere so I need peace and balance in my daily life.” (Heidi, Washington, D.C.)

“Our family started a ‘Family Activity Christmas Countdown’ this year. The concept is simple, of course – to celebrate each other during the holiday season instead of losing each other to the hoopla of parties and presents. We created a Christmas countdown chain with a link for each day and an activity on each link. The rules were pretty simple: the activity had to be done together, and if at all possible, cost no money. It could last five minutes or five hours, as long as that time was spent together.  This is the second year we’ve done it, and it really has become a highlight of the Christmas season for us.

The other thing that we did last year during spring break was a staycation. All of the kids had friends heading off to beaches and exotic locations and something like just wasn’t in the budget for us. I still wanted to make their spring break special, though, so I came up with the concept of a staycation where each person in our family had a day dedicated to him or her. That person started the day with breakfast in bed (their choice, decided the night before) and then planned our day. We visited the science museum, the zoo and the water park. Some days were just quiet days at home. My one son chose to have a pajama day on his day, and my daughter chose to make dinner together on her day (and have a fire safety meeting – she’s a classic first child.) While our outings to the science museum and the water park cost money, it was significantly less than we would have spent on a vacation, and everyone loved having control of a day. 

I am not so delusional that I think my kids wouldn’t trade our staycation for a trip to Hawaii in a heartbeat, but I’d like to think that we made some fun memories just the same. (Becky, Minneapolis) 

So how about you? How are you finding happiness and contentment among the challenges of the recession? We’d love to hear from you!

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) January 13, 2010

I have a phrase I’ve shared with many people: “Patience is a virtue.  It’s just not one of mine.” 

Tolerance, I’ve got plenty.

Love, in abundance.

Understanding, in spades. 

Patience…not so much.

 So when I tell you that if you have a spouse in career transition that you should be prepared for this journey to be long one, I want you to appreciate exactly how hard that journey is for me.

 I’m a doer. I’m an action girl. I love to help. I adore making things happen.  How does that work into helping my husband find work? It really, really doesn’t.

 The reality is, in today’s environment it can take a long time to find a new job. There are lots of really talented, highly experienced people out there and available for hire. I remember a time when job descriptions might have said they wanted 10 years of XYZ experience, but didn’t necessarily require that of a potential employee.  I remember a time when they might have taken a chance on someone with different industry experience but who had the right skills.  Now, companies can be entirely prescriptive of exactly the length and type of experience they want – and have 46 people apply with those exact specifications.

 I’m not going to lie: the waiting is hard. And it’s especially hard as the spouse of the one doing the looking. Because really – there’s nothing you can actively “do” to help. And as the wait gets longer, the more stressful things can get.

So how do you get through the seeming eternity that is your spouse’s transition? How do you keep your household – and marriage – going?

 Occasionally, revisit your plan.
You put together a budget, agreed on compromises and schedules within the first few weeks of transition.  But it’s a good idea to revisit those if the journey is taking a few months. Make sure the plans you set will still work if things go longer than you thought. 

If need be, create a “worst case scenario” plan. 
What happens if unemployment insurance runs out and your spouse still hasn’t found a new career? Take another look at finances, support networks and possibilities. Create the “holy crud” plan now, while things are still okay. That way, if it needs to be put in place, you won’t have to create it in a panic.

Find ways to re-energize.
If you’ve ever followed a diet plan, you know that even when you begin a plan with utmost dedication, after awhile, you can lose energy. Find ways in the midst of this transition to re-energize – individually and as a couple. Talk to each other. Encourage one another. Pursue (affordable) hobbies or activities that make you feel good. Build romance into each day.

Stay supportive.
If you think you’re feeling dragged down as the career transition timeline continually drags on, how do you think your spouse feels? No matter how hard it is, keep offering support. Let him know every day you love him and believe in him.

 By Linda Lande
 (c) January 7, 2010

I’ll never forget my first parent/teacher conference—as a parent.

My only children, twin daughters, were in kindergarten. I walked into the classroom expecting a friendly chat about my daughters. Instead, I left feeling disarmed and somewhat disemboweled. They couldn’t tie their shoes, they weren’t great with scissors, and…and…and the list went on. I got in my car and cried all the way home.

And then I got angry. I was supposed to have attended a conference, not a Letterman’s “Top 10 Things Wrong With Your Kids” session. Later that night, I wrote a letter to their teacher saying that they and I certainly would work to improve their skills, but that in the next parent/teacher conference I expected (yes, “expected”), along with the list of criticisms, to also hear some compliments—even if they were as simple as “my daughters have nice smiles and they always come to school with clean socks.”

Compliments are effective, useful tools. Years ago, a few months into my first “real” communications job with a large insurance corporation, an important-looking man in a business suit came striding into our area, stopped in the director’s office and asked where I was.

Holy cats! Me? I didn’t even know this man—and he was asking for me by name! Just as I was about to dive under my desk, I heard him tell the director that the article I had written was one of the best he’d ever read about a particular program—and he was delighted with my work and wanted to meet me! Wow!

Mark Twain once said, “I can live two months on a good compliment.” Believe me, I lived a lot longer on that one! And it taught me the value of “constructive compliments.” If we’re to expect and gracefully receive “constructive criticism,” shouldn’t we also expect and gracefully receive “constructive compliments”?

I was talking with one of my daughters on the phone recently. (They’re both college graduates now—tying their shoes and making their way in the world.) She’s considering confronting her boss concerning a few work issues—issues with her boss’s management style. I smiled to myself as my mind’s eye pictured my daughters’ kindergarten teacher.

“Remember,” I said to her, “to also be sure to include a few compliments for your boss. Let her also know what she’s doing right.”

We both laughed a little, remembering kindergarten and the lessons learned: that compliments and Velcro shoes are worth their weight in gold!

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) January 6, 2010

Guilty pleasure admission: I’m a “Gleek.”  Since the very pilot episode of the TV show Glee, I’ve been hooked. 

There’s something about the absolutely over-the-top portrayal of a group of high school misfits, their weekly slushie face-dousing trials…and the way they continually fight through the negativity and adversity to do what they love…that endears this show to me.

Their wildly successful pilot episode featured the small group of initial Glee kids doing an amazing version of the Journey tune “Don’t Stop Believin’.” I will admit – I went out to You Tube and watched it several times.

There’s something about that song – and the show – that resonates with my life right now.  As the wife of a husband in career transition, I feel like negativity exists every day in our household.  While I’m quite happy (as is my unstained wardrobe) that I don’t literally have a grape slushie thrown in my face each day, there are certainly days where it’s hit me or my husband in a proverbial sense. 

Like every time he applies for a job and gets the lovely standard form rejection letter (sometimes within a day, which really hits you).  Or each time he tries to sell a great new idea for a startup business to a new client and never hears back from them.  When we count the days until unemployment insurance runs out.  As I’m in a store and don’t get to purchase something I want because we’re on a budget. And when we have to endure well-meaning people who say really trite, insensitive things about my husband’s current employment situation, essentially saying, “You’ll never be able to pull this off.”

Every day we live through the adversity, I feel just like one of those poor high school kids, getting up every morning and just knowing the cold, icky (though maybe not bright purple) reality that’s going to be sloshed in my face.

The lesson for me here really is:  “Don’t Stop Believin’.”

Don’t stop believin’ in my husband’s brilliance and abilities. 

Don’t stop believin’ that everything will be ok. 

Don’t stop believin’ that there really is a greater Plan unfolding.

Don’t stop believin’ that the economy will improve and more jobs will become available.

Don’t stop believin’ my husband is doing everything he can to find a new career.

Don’t stop believin’ in my own ability to keep supporting my husband emotionally…and our household financially.

I think I need to go work on my jazz hands…

By Diva Nikki
(c) December 16, 2009

As 21^st Century women, we’ve grown up being told we can do anything—and everything—we put our minds to.

We balance careers and families. We volunteer, cook gourmet meals and wear fabulous shoes while doing it. We can do it all. We’re superwomen.

AND we’re now supporting our households financially and emotionally while our spouses search for their next careers.

The first time my husband was unemployed was within the first year of our marriage. We were both working toward our MBA degrees full time while working full time, and I felt like I still had to prove I was a perfect wife.

When my husband lost his job, I tried to keep things going as “normal”—which meant that not only was I working and studying full time, I was also still doing all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, remembering of all family birthdays…you get the picture.

Eventually, I cracked. It was eating me up inside that I was doing ALL this work and my husband was home. All day. Watching curling during the Olympics and playing video games.

At first I wanted to blame him. “I shouldn’t have to ask him to help,” I thought. “He should just recognize what needs to be done and do it!”

Then I realized: The reason he wasn’t helping was because I’d never asked him. So I finally did.  I learned that there are ways to ask for help that are more effective than others.

Ask. Don’t tell. Don’t yell. Ask.
Truthfully, unless you ask, your spouse probably doesn’t even realize you need help. Yelling at him or telling him what to do are not effective. Be calm, be specific.

Specifically, ask for help.
Your spouse isn’t going to say, “Gee, honey – I’d LOVE to do a bunch more work I’ve never done before!” But loving spouses do get a feeling of purpose by helping those they love. You’re giving them an opportunity to do that. Plus, by taking some of the incidental sources of stress off your plate, you’ve got more capacity to provide emotional support for him.

Teach him what to do.
If you’re asking for help around the house with chores he’s never done before, your spouse may need a bit of instruction. Show him where supplies are, how to work appliances, etc.

Make things easy.
Gather cleaning supplies into one area.  Buy ready-made frozen meals or mixes. Separate your dirty laundry. Make detailed lists.

Adjust your expectations.
Your spouse is not you. Do not expect that things will be done exactly as you do them. Rather, appreciate that things get done. Even if towels are folded differently or you eat spaghetti for four days in a row, celebrate the fact that you have clean towels and a meal prepared for you when you get home.

Show sincere appreciation.
Your spouse is helping you out, during a time when he’s already feeling stressed. Let him know that you truly appreciate what he’s doing to help make your life easier.

 By Dan d’Man
 (c) November 27, 2009

 
It’s an unfortunate reality that most of us will have at least one person on our holiday shopping list who is a recent addition to the ranks of the unemployed.

If you’re looking for the perfect gift for someone in a job transition, here’s a list you’re going to want to check twice:  

 1o. The gift of luxury

Life’s little luxuries are the first things that most people eliminate when faced with the loss of income. If your friend is someone who craves her morning cup of java, a gift certificate to her favorite coffee shop will surely be appreciated. Coffee shops are also a great place for some impromptu networking.

9. The gift of health

In “Bummed Out or Burned Out? How You Can Identify When the Normal Sorrow of Job Loss Becomes Something More Serious,” Charlie Cummins, president of Life Transitions Consulting, communicated the importance of remaining active and fighting lethargy when dealing with a job loss. A membership to a health club or training class shows you care about your friend’s health and well-being.

8. The gift of family

If your recipient has children, the most welcome gift they can receive is the ability to give to their kids. A gift certificate to a movie theater, bowling alley, children’s museum or toy store will raise the spirits of their entire family.

7. The gift of inspiration

Does your gift recipient have bigger goals and dreams he was reticent to pursue before he lost his job? A book like “What am I gonna do with my life,” by Po Bronson might be just the inspiration he needs. A less conventional but much more fun source of inspiration could also be “Oh, the Places You’ll Go,” by Dr. Seuss. Add a personal note inside the front cover that conveys your belief in him and he will succeed … it’s 98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.

6. The gift of relaxation

Help your friend reset her stress level with a spa gift certificate for a massage.

5. The gift of information

Do you know someone who works in your friend’s profession — or a profession he’s always been curious about? Setting up an informational interview can help him learn valuable insights, make contacts and keep his interview skills sharp.

4. The gift of expertise

Just because your friend is a great engineer, it doesn’t mean she can write an effective resume. Covering the cost of a professional resume service could be the most important gift she receives. The Professional Association of Resume Writers and Career Coaches (PARW) is a good place to search for services near you. The PARW also offers information about professional career coaches and certified employment interview professionals — people who could make the difference between getting the job and almost getting the job.

3. The gift of laughter

Wrapping up a voodoo doll customized with a former boss’ face or a corporate logo (www.vudutuu.com) won’t help him find a new job … but it’ll probably bring a smile to his face.

2. The gift of membership

Paying your friend’s membership fee for a professional industry association will open the door to valuable continuing education opportunities and networking events.

1. The gift of yourself

Offer to proofread their cover letters and resumes. Babysit so she and her husband can get away for a night. Run errands so that he can attend a job interview or networking opportunity. It’s a free gift that’s difficult to put a price on.

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) November 25, 2009

For most of us, getting through the holidays in a normal year is bad enough. The song “The Twelve Pains of Christmas,” by the Bob Rivers Comedy Corp, about sums it up for me.

Sending Christmas cards to extended family on my husband’s side I barely know.  Driving to and from—and spending hours in—rehearsals and concerts. Standing in huge lines at unforgivable hours of the morning just to get a few more dollars off the already inflated price of a Christmas gift your mother-in-law probably will return anyway.

So…now that you’ve got a spouse at home worried about finding a new job, you’re on a reduced budget and there’s more stress to go around than flour on holiday cookie baking day—how will you survive?

Here are a few tips for getting through the holidays while you’ve got a spouse in career transition:

Breathe.
I know the holiday season means three times as many filled days on the calendar looming at you from your refrigerator door. But now might be a time to reassess some of those commitments. Is there anything you can cut back on for awhile?

Prioritize.
Do you really need to make 70 Christmas cards by hand and handwrite messages in all of them? What if you send e-greetings to most people this year, and just saved the special cards for those most important to you? Evaluate which holiday traditions are most important to you and which ones can be changed or put on hold.

Budget.
Have a discussion with your spouse and family members about what you can realistically can spend—and can’t—on holiday gifts this year. Agree on a spending limit in advance, so there are no disappointments or embarrassments later.

Help others.
Even with your own transition issues, there are always those who need more help than you. Talk with your whole family about “adopting” a family or cause this year. Ask that everyone contribute what they would’ve spent on gifts to this effort instead.

Get creative.
Gifts don’t have to be expensive. In fact, handmade gifts are often more appreciated than something bought from a department store. A few ideas for creative, low-cost gifts for family members:

• Create a recipe book with all the recipient’s favorite ingredients. Search recipes online, copy them and paste them nicely into a document. Print out and place in a hand-decorated binder.
• Make jars of specialty hot chocolate, chai tea or soup mixes. Decorate the covers and include instructions for making the final product.
• Use crafting talents and supplies you already have on hand: knit/crochet scarves, stamp sets of cards, make mini-scrapbooks or create jewelry. Not only will your personalized gifts be appreciated, it will give you a fun, stress-relieving project you enjoy.

Realize this temporary.
No one wants to “skimp” on this special time of year. But remember that a few changes for this year won’t be devastating in the long run. And, who knows, your family may even love some of these ideas enough to start new traditions.

 Additional Resources:

• “Gifts from the Kitchen: Recipes for Jar Mixes, Food Gifts and More,” The Recipe Link
• “Holiday Gifts: 8 Homemade Gifts in a Jar,” SquawkFox, December 8, 2008.
• Amy Scattergood, “50 ways to make your holiday gifts homemade,” LA Times, December 10, 2008.
• Lori Johnston, “7 splendid homemade holiday gifts“

Recent Desperate Workingwife columns:

• “Desperate Workingwife: It Ain’t the Opera but I’m Wearing My Best Dress Anyway. Ways to Stay Romantic Without Spending the Fortune Your Unemployed Spouse Isn’t Earning Right Now”
• “Desperate Workingwife: Guilty Confessions of a Green-Eyed Monster”
• “Desperate Workingwife: You Got Up at WHAT Time? Helping Your Unemployed Spouse Find a New Routine…That Doesn’t Drive You Up a Wall”