Tripping On The Ladder

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) April 28, 2010

Some of you may have wondered how I came by my moniker “Diva Nikki.” 

It’s actually not that I’m a diva in personality. I’m not a snob. I’m not a fashionista with 100 pairs of shoes. (Sadly, I tend to wear the same comfortable pair all the time.) And I’m certainly not someone who expects others to cater to my every whim.

The name is actually a nickname I was given by friends years ago because of what I do, not because of who I am.  You see, I’m a singer. I’ve been singing since I was about 3 years old…had my first solo at 5. It’s something I’ve always done, and done well. Though I chose not to make it my college major or my profession (a choice, by the way, I still look back at and wonder about), I’ve found plenty of ways to feed my passion for music. That includes a six-year stint as a chorus member in a local opera company, among other things. Being an opera singer doesn’t seem to be all that common among those in the average working world – thus, the nickname.

Unfortunately, there have been periods of my life where I’ve let that passion for music fall to the wayside. For instance, when my husband and I were full-time employees and full time MBA students, I had to let music go for a little while. And more recently, while my husband was in career transition I tried to focus more energy on keeping our household prospering than I did on my own interests.  

I think as women we have a tendency to put the needs of others before our own needs. We give so freely that sometimes we forget to take back a little bit of energy for ourselves.

As working women, too, it’s so easy to get caught up in being the “corporate” versions of ourselves that we forget the “real” versions.

And then, sometimes the right people and opportunities come along at the right time to remind you that YOU matter. Several months ago, I was invited to join the local symphony chorus. (Essentially, whenever the symphony wants to do works that include singing, they call us.) It had been a little while since I’d had the opportunity to do some real classical music. Handel, Vivaldi…  Quite frankly – I had forgotten that this is something I’m designed and trained to do.

As I started going to rehearsals, seeing old friends from my opera days, singing music from composers I love…my soul just opened up. As I would open my mouth to sing, it was like opening myself up to a pure joy I hadn’t felt in a long time. This was something just for me. Not something I should do. Not something I had to do. Not something that would help someone else. All mine.

This past weekend, I was honored to have the opportunity to appear as a soloist in our latest concert with the local symphony. I spent a good hour or so before the concert getting “diva’d” up. The hair, the dress, the makeup, even the jewelry. It was like putting on a persona. With each element, my inner Diva started coming back out. I remembered who I was. I felt confident, radiant, happy.  And as I walked out to the front of the stage during the concert, feeling the lights on me, the music swelling behind me, the anticipation of the audience…I knew I was right where I needed to be. My soul was at home.

What does this have to do with having a spouse in career transition, you might ask? 

Just this: Unleash your own inner Diva every once in awhile, whatever that means for you. Where does your soul feel most at home? Where do you feel like you’re doing exactly what you’re designed to do? Whether it’s on stage, behind a keyboard, in a pair of running shoes or in your kitchen – do it. Feed your own soul. By feeding your own passions and reminding yourself that you’re a unique, powerful talented person you’ll be better prepared to support others.

 My hair may be less curly today, my dress put away…but the Diva in me is still smiling. I hope yours will, too.

 By Brian Doebert
 (c) April 21, 2010

 Men like to fix things.  When a problem arises, we take charge and start working on the solution. 

While in a career transition, the focus naturally turns to finding a new job and bringing another salary back into the house. 

While this task is important, it is probably more important to remember that your spouse is experiencing this situation with you, but in her own unique ways.  While this presents something else for us to fix, we can’t fix what we don’t understand.  Turnabout is fair play, so let’s see what we can learn from our favorite Desperate Workingwife as I interview her this week.

Part 2 – SHE SAID: Transition from Desperate Workingwife Diva Nikki’s perspective

Brian: What’s been the hardest thing about being in transition?

Desperate Workingwife: The hardest thing about being in transition, for me, is that there is so little I can do about it. I can control spending and be supportive. (We Desperate Workingwives…we’re “do-ers.”) But there is nothing I can truly physically do to help my husband find a job – that’s all on him.

B: What’s been the biggest blessing?

DWW: One of the biggest blessings I’ve seen during this transition time is all the support we receive from others. Even if it’s just a friend buying lunch or coffee, or giving Brian a contact name to talk to. It really makes you see the power and worth of a good friend network.

B: What has surprised you the most during this time of transition?

DWW: I think the length of time the transition is lasting is probably the biggest surprise to me. We’ve been through career transitions for Brian before – this is the third time since we’ve been married. But before it was usually only about six months between jobs. This time, it’s a year.

B: In what ways have you worked to sustain your marriage during this time of change?

DWW: I actively work to find ways to be supportive to my husband every day. I tell him I love him and I believe in him. Even more importantly, though, I never, ever put him down or make him feel like this is his fault. If I need a real venting session – even just about the cruddy situation – I call a girlfriend who understands. I don’t take it out on him.

We both make a conscious effort, too, to spend real time together talking or even just being goofy. Whether it’s iPod karaoke at the kitchen table or a Disney movie marathon, we find ways to spend time together even if there isn’t a huge budget.

B: Where have you found information or support?

DWW: Support I’ve found in spades from friends, co-workers and family. Information – that’s another story. I find it interesting that there are thousands of books, networking groups and resources for those who are unemployed. And not one single book out there for the spouse of the person who is supporting the person who is unemployed. That’s honestly what inspired me to write this column. I wanted to provide some helpful insights, at the very least, to others like me who are going through this.

B: What changes have you made in your household that you think have most helped you make it through the transition?

DWW: I think the biggest, and possibly the hardest, change we’ve made in our household is our budget. Before the economy tanked, we lived quite well. We were dual income, no kids, very reasonable cost of living area. We’re not “big spenders” – but we’d gotten used to being able afford things we wanted, when we wanted them. Now, it feels like there are so many things on hold. But it’s what keeps us afloat. We’re making house, utility and insurance payments. There’s no shortage of food on the table. There’s not even any credit card debt. So we’re definitely doing the right thing.

B: What’s the first thing you’ll do when the transition period is over?

DWW: First thing – eat some sushi. It’s the pact we have. My husband gets a new (permanent) job, we go out for sushi. It’s one of those little indulgences we’ve given up for now. Second thing (possibly in the same day) – I’m going for a spa day. I figure it’s only fair payment to bring on a little stress reduction after such a long transition.

From there out, I think we’ll assess our priorities a bit, look into doing some things around the house that have been on hold. I also think after being on a reduced budget for so long, we’ll be able to find ways to save even more than we always have to be prepared for any more transitions life might throw at us. Nothing like 12 months of unemployment to make you really understand the value of an emergency fund!

 By Jen the Catalyst
 (c) April 23, 2010

In my last post, I discussed the HIGH immediately following the Goodbye. 

 The Colossal High, the juicy, unbelievable, “Yes-this-can-be-attained-without-skydiving” high, lasted for five solid weeks. And what a five weeks they were… Action-packed and part of that leap forward I talked about last week.

Here are some great inspiration starters to get your juices flowing. 

Print off a copy and use it as your journal entries for the next week or two or three! (Hint: There are no wrong answers!)

My favorite things to do are:

My biggest dream is to:

When I am feeling my best, I:

My friends/family tell me that I am good at:

People seek me out to:

This especially jazzes me up:

The thing that drives me the most is:

I feel nurtured when:

I feel very confident when I:

If I were able to look at my life with perspective, I would reward this:

I WANT:

I NEED:

I am most at home when:

I feel most empowered when:

My biggest dream is to:

(What else can you think of to inspire the best when you’re in a HIGH place?)

If you’re tripping up in the place you are, it’s time to make a change, and I believe that positive thinking and an optimistic approach will lead to the best possible spot.  Only I can control how I react to situations and how I choose to navigate… and I decided to choose the path that would jazz me, nurture me, bring out my strengths, and take a leap to something fantastic.

What jazzes you up, and how can you get more of it?

 By Jen the Catalyst
 (c) April 2, 2010

In last week’s diary entry, I wrote about endings and departures. 

Once I had identified my “Goodbyes,” my mind and heart synchronized and I was able to say out loud that “I wanted to leave my corporate job.” 

What came next were waves of relief, freedom, positivity, excitement, anticipation and happiness. My work friends responded to that energy in kind, which made the high of leaving even better. My last three weeks of work were blissful, and I was at my peak. I didn’t feel the fear and the worry and the frustration that I had been struggling with for months.

JOY!

The world was new and shiny and different. Colors were brighter. Friends were friendlier. The house was homier. My husband was sexier. My appreciation of everything was… well, super awesomely appreciative.

(A word of unsolicited advice to readers who are contemplating taking the leap: CAPITALIZE on this transition high. It’s a great time to take gargantuan steps forward toward what you want in your life!)

I love people, and the people at my corporate jobs were no exception. I spent my last days at the company solidifying my relationships with my work friends. I connected with co-workers whom I had not previously met and received the gift of words of wisdom and encouragement—related to areas I was considering for my solo gig. I printed business cards with my contact information and made sure I always had a few in my back pocket to hand out to acquaintances and co-workers that I may not see again soon—or ever.

It was a great celebration and I enjoyed every moment.

What is making your glasses particularly rosy lately?  Share the energy!