Wed 31 Mar 2010
Desperate Workingwife: “He Said, She Said” – Part I: The “He Said” Edition
Posted by Tripping on the Ladder under Desperate Workingwife, Spouses & Loved Ones
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By Diva Nikki (interviewing her husband Brian)
(c) March 31, 2010
Isn’t it amazing how men and women view the world differently?
For any of you who read and remember Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, we often seem to be from another planet. So how does all this play out when a couple is in the midst of career transition?
In this two-part series, “He Said, She Said,” you’ll hear from both sides…and finally meet the amazing husband of your favorite Desperate Workingwife as I interview him for this article.
Part 1 – HE SAID: Transition from husband Brian’s perspective
Desperate Workingwife (DWW): What’s been the hardest thing about being in transition?
Brian: The hardest things about being in transition are the feeling of helplessness and the feeling of non-contribution. Even with an active plan to find a new job, there is still only so much that I can control. Since I’m not making a real salary, I feel like I’m letting the family down.
DWW: What’s been the biggest blessing?
B: The biggest blessing is the increase in free time. There is extra time to bond with the cats, and to take care of a few things around the house. Being able to score points with my wife by taking care of laundry and cleaning is nice. I also have the ability to put some effort into pet projects and potential self-employment options.
DWW: What has surprised you the most during this time of transition?
B: I am surprised most by the length of the transition. In good economic times, when a position is posted, HR professionals hope to find someone who meets about 75% of their preferred criteria. During this transition I have been unable to get interviews for positions where I meet about 90% of the preferred criteria. It seems that there are so many people on the market that every position attracts multiple applicants who do meet 100%. Along with the length of the transition, I am surprised by the lack of much tension at home.
DWW: In what ways have you worked to sustain your marriage during this time of change?
B: The way I work most to sustain my marriage is to be helpful at home. No matter how much time I am looking for a new job, there is always some down-time during the day. Some of this time is reserved for household chores that my wife would normally do.
Another way that I work to sustain the marriage is to try to keep my transition frustrations from dominating time spent with my wife. She knows I am frustrated and I know she is frustrated. There is no need to dwell on the frustration and ruin the night. Dates at home and dates at inexpensive restaurants are nice ways of keeping romance alive while on a budget.
DWW: Where have you found information or support?
B: I have found information and support pretty much everywhere. Friends and family have been good sources of both. Networking groups and job-seeker support groups and industry association meetings provide support in different ways. The key is to seek out multiple avenues of support covering different demographics to maximize the breadth of information.
DWW: What changes have you made in your household that you think have most helped you make it through the transition?
B: The revised budget probably provides the most help. By knowing what we can and can’t spend during the week, one large source of stress is removed. Knowing how long we can be okay financially allows me to focus on other areas.
DWW: What’s the first thing you’ll do when the transition period is over?
B: The first thing I will do is take my wife out to a nice sushi dinner and possibly a mini-vacation. Recovering our emergency funds will be a high priority, but showing my appreciation for my wife who has been totally supportive in my search will come first.
Stay tuned for next Wednesday’s edition of Desperate Workingwife, when the tables turn and husband Brian interviews Diva Nikki in “He Said, She Said” – Part II: The “She Said” Edition.
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