Tripping On The Ladder

By Diva Nikki (interviewing her husband Brian) 
(c) March 31, 2010

Isn’t it amazing how men and women view the world differently? 

For any of you who read and remember Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, we often seem to be from another planet. So how does all this play out when a couple is in the midst of career transition?

In this two-part series, “He Said, She Said,” you’ll hear from both sides…and finally meet the amazing husband of your favorite Desperate Workingwife as I interview him for this article.

Part 1 – HE SAID: Transition from husband Brian’s perspective

Desperate Workingwife (DWW): What’s been the hardest thing about being in transition?

Brian: The hardest things about being in transition are the feeling of helplessness and the feeling of non-contribution.  Even with an active plan to find a new job, there is still only so much that I can control.  Since I’m not making a real salary, I feel like I’m letting the family down.

DWW: What’s been the biggest blessing?

B: The biggest blessing is the increase in free time.  There is extra time to bond with the cats, and to take care of a few things around the house.  Being able to score points with my wife by taking care of laundry and cleaning is nice.  I also have the ability to put some effort into pet projects and potential self-employment options.

DWW: What has surprised you the most during this time of transition?

B: I am surprised most by the length of the transition.  In good economic times, when a position is posted, HR professionals hope to find someone who meets about 75% of their preferred criteria.  During this transition I have been unable to get interviews for positions where I meet about 90% of the preferred criteria. It seems that there are so many people on the market that every position attracts multiple applicants who do meet 100%.  Along with the length of the transition, I am surprised by the lack of much tension at home.

DWW: In what ways have you worked to sustain your marriage during this time of change?

B: The way I work most to sustain my marriage is to be helpful at home. No matter how much time I am looking for a new job, there is always some down-time during the day. Some of this time is reserved for household chores that my wife would normally do.

Another way that I work to sustain the marriage is to try to keep my transition frustrations from dominating time spent with my wife.  She knows I am frustrated and I know she is frustrated.  There is no need to dwell on the frustration and ruin the night.  Dates at home and dates at inexpensive restaurants are nice ways of keeping romance alive while on a budget.

DWW: Where have you found information or support?

B: I have found information and support pretty much everywhere. Friends and family have been good sources of both. Networking groups and job-seeker support groups and industry association meetings provide support in different ways.  The key is to seek out multiple avenues of support covering different demographics to maximize the breadth of information.

DWW: What changes have you made in your household that you think have most helped you make it through the transition?

B: The revised budget probably provides the most help. By knowing what we can and can’t spend during the week, one large source of stress is removed. Knowing how long we can be okay financially allows me to focus on other areas.

DWW: What’s the first thing you’ll do when the transition period is over?

B: The first thing I will do is take my wife out to a nice sushi dinner and possibly a mini-vacation. Recovering our emergency funds will be a high priority, but showing my appreciation for my wife who has been totally supportive in my search will come first.

Stay tuned for next Wednesday’s edition of Desperate Workingwife, when the tables turn and husband Brian interviews Diva Nikki in “He Said, She Said” – Part II: The “She Said” Edition.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 29, 2010

A couple weeks ago, I started running.  

It’s actually going relatively well so far. (And no one is nearly as surprised by this as me, it seems.)

But this past Saturday morning, I jumped on the treadmill to follow the day’s plan. About three minutes in, I thought to myself, “This is kind of hard today.” At five minutes in, I thought, “I shouldn’t have eaten that nutritionally devoid scone for breakfast.” At seven minutes in, I thought, “I might not be able to do this today.” But, I told myself to “Cut it out” and when a good song popped up on my iPod, I was able to stop thinking about how miserable I was and instead continued on for another 20 minutes until my time was up.

A similar thing happens to our dog—not with running, but with barking. When our dog gets overly excited, he starts barking. We’ve discovered that the best way to get him to stop is to calmly distract him with a fascinating treat or toy. My husband says it’s almost like the dog’s brain needs to be redirected from the scary/exciting/threatening thing to something calming and enjoyable.

When it comes to life—and all its transitions, stressors, questions and opportunities—sometimes getting over the hump really is as simple as “redirecting” our thinking. Lucinda Bassett, a longtime sufferer of anxiety and now an expert in the field of anxiety, advises clients whose minds are reeling to picture a stop sign, and to go so far as to say to themselves, “STOP!” The technique is designed to get your attention, so you can redirect your thinking to something more positive.

A few years ago, a friend of mine was let go from a job that, quite frankly, he’d long outgrown. He called me after it happened, and understandably he was feeling a little shocked and disappointed. I remember telling him at the time that it was clear to me that he needed to “move on” from there—and that his termination, no matter how painful, was a necessary signal to grab his attention and essentially force him to “move on.” It wasn’t long before he found his dream job.   

Whether a great song on your iPod, a doggie treat, a stop sign or a difficult conversation at the office, what in your life is trying to get your attention today, to help you stop dwelling on the “old” and instead move you in a new direction?

And, when it does, how will you answer the call?

 By Jen the Catalyst
 (c) March 26, 2010

I’ve come to the conclusion that “3″ is an important number when assigning order to the universe. 

In fact, the number three led me to jump off the corporate ladder!

How, you ask?

I had been working with Michelle Stimpson, a professional coach and owner of LifeShine Coaching, for about three months. My objective: to improve my drive and intensity and commitment to my work, my career. I expected to achieve the passion I felt when my adventure at the large Fortune 50 corporation was new, and to embrace my future there with more vigor.

In reaching out to Michelle and establishing our professional relationship, at a gut level I knew I was preparing to transition. I thought I was transitioning toward better personal synergy at this Fortune 50 place. What I found out, through one of the first exercises I did, was that I actually was preparing to transition…OUT.

That meaningful exercise was based on a simple three-part grid. 

I oriented my blank 8½-by-11 sheet of paper horizontally, and placed it in front of me on my empty table. I started with a clean slate.  I divided the sheet into three equal parts: ENDINGS, NEUTRAL, and NEW BEGINNING/DESTINATION.

It was easy to name the things I wanted to walk away from, what I wanted to say goodbye to. I started to believe that I should depart. 

But, I couldn’t figure out where to go next without first knowing and understanding why I was leaving. My brain started to shift toward the future… letting go of the endings freed me up to dream of my new destination.

What do you want to say goodbye to?

This article series “Diary of a New Entrepreneur,” which appears every Friday on Tripping on the Ladder, chronicles the journey of our newest contributor, Jen the Catalyst (known in real life as Jen Woods Antila), as she leaves behind her corporate life to embark on the road toward self-employment—and self-discovery. Visit her blog at  jenthecatalyst.wordpress.com.

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) March 24, 2010

 Several weeks ago, I mentioned that I was blessed with a vacation to Walt Disney World with my husband and parents. In short: it was great!

Anyone who’s ever read a business book or journal is likely familiar with the fact that Disney. Does. Things. Well. 

They are a well-oiled machine of great customer service and experience perfection.

 While I was there, it struck me that there were actually some lessons to be learned at the Big Mouse’s House about being in transition.

It’s always better to wait less than your expected time than to wait more.
At each and every ride, there is a clever signage system (some now more high-tech than others) to let you know how long the wait is expected to be before you climb in a boat/honey pot/flying elephant and have an adventure. 

The cleverness is this: the time actually posted is always longer than your actual wait time. So when you wait only 20 minutes instead of the 35 you were expecting – you’re happy about it. If you’re in career transition, the lesson here is to be careful about setting timelines for yourself. It’s better to expect a long wait and be pleasantly surprised than to plan on a short wait and be disappointed.

Waiting is less unpleasant when you’ve got fun distractions to keep you occupied.
You cannot go to Walt Disney World and avoid being in a queue. It’s amazing how even at the airport, they begin preparing you to wait for absolutely everything you’re going to do, be it board a bus, go on a ride, make a trip to a restroom or dine at a restaurant. You absolutely will wait…and in an organized fashion.

Speaking of celebrating, Diva Nikki's parents celebrated their 43rd anniversary!

But – they are masters at providing great distraction while you’re waiting. Maybe it’s a fun video, or larger-than-life displays of toys or even replicas of “scientific” evidence that yetis really do exist. Whichever tactic – it works. Suddenly the wait seems less about aching feet and more about an engaged mind.

The lesson here is that while in career transition, try to find at least some amount of pleasant distraction while you wait. As Jenaissance pointed out in a recent article – time can be a gift. In addition to the hard work of job searching, be sure you throw in a little fun, too. It might just make you forget for a minute that you’re waiting.

Celebrate everything.
The theme this year at Walt Disney World is, “What will you celebrate?” Absolutely everywhere from the transportation to the restaurants, that theme was present.

"Celebrate Volunteers" dessert

My dessert plate at one of the restaurants even had “Celebrate Volunteers” stamped in chocolate. The mid-afternoon parades were about celebrating. When making dinner reservations online, there was even a spot to indicate what you were celebrating.

What’s the lesson here? Celebrate even the small things. Getting a job interview, finishing a project, even making a great new contact – spend at least a few seconds celebrating your accomplishment.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 23, 2010

When our nation’s forefathers boldly assured future generations “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” they had a very big vision indeed.

Unfortunately, the Declaration of Independence didn’t come with an annotated bibliography for how to go about pursuing that happiness. And, when left to our own devices, experts say we tend to go about it all wrong.

Here’s a personal example.

At various points in my life, I thought I would be happier if I had a different job. Lived in Washington, D.C. Lived anywhere else but Washington, D.C. Made more money. Made less money but had more time. Took more vacations. Had a BlackBerry. Didn’t have a BlackBerry. Lived in a different house. Had more closet space.  Had a car with a sunroof.

Many of you likely have had feelings similar to mine, preoccupied with striving for personal and professional contentment.

It’s such a rite of passage in our culture that it seems like this is just the way we’re supposed to find our bliss, with the hope that one day, we’ll finally crack the code and it will all fall into perfect place and we will be satisifed.

But you know what? We’ve got it all wrong.

In her book The How of Happiness, research psychologist Sonya Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., says years of documented research and studies point to a very startling fact: Only 10% of a person’s happiness is impacted by situational factors. In other words, your job—or your home, the city in which you live, the car you drive, the spouse you chose—only accounts for a tiny fraction of your overall perceived well-being.

In fact, she says, studies show that 50% of our happiness level is credited to our DNA (our “set point” that determines how we’re hardwired, how resilient we are likely to be), 10 % is due to life’s circumstances and a whopping 40% of our happiness quotient is actually attributed to what she calls our “intentional activity” or the actions we deliberately bring to every situation—our attitude, our thoughts, our daily practices and rituals.

So, to put it plainly, we’ve been grabbing at all the wrong straws. (And if anything, the current state of the economy should be illustrating for us just how true this is. Countless folks who have bravely faced job losses and financial difficulties these past couple years—and even those who are employed but intentionally “tightening their belts”—are often among the first to express that downsizing and simplifying has come with its own surprising sets of joys.)

While it’s nice to have a fulfilling occupation, a house that feels like home, and a spouse who sees our best selves even when we don’t, a statistically surer road to happiness can be found not by searching outward for it but by simply deciding to create and cultivate it for ourselves.

Lyobomirsky says that it’s important to think about happiness as a continuum, sort of like your temperature. There are days when you may be happier and days when you will be a little less happy. But, on the balance, the happiest people share some of the same characteristics, including:

• Devoting time to family and friends and nurturing these relationships.
• Feeling comfortable expressing gratitude for what they have.
• Being willing to help others.
• Practicing optimism when considering the future.
• “Living in the moment.”
• Taking time for regular exercise.
• Committing to lifelong goals and ambitions.
• Possessing strength and poise in the face of crisis or stress.

The best news of all? All of these characteristics of happy people are within our reach–and can be learned!

To find out how, check out The How of Happiness, which includes several customized tools to help you evaluate your current ”set point” and to identify an action plan with 12 strategies that will help you focus your efforts on the 40% of your actions that will make the most difference in your pursuit of happiness.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 22, 2010

One day last week, I had a small window of time between phone calls, so I thought I better walk over to our neighborhood library to return a few books whose due dates were quickly creeping up.

It was a relatively nice day, and I thought I could kill two birds with one stone by hitching the dog up to the leash and walking him to the library with me.

Our dog likes excitement—and it really doesn’t take much to qualify. He is delirious with happiness every time he hears any of the following, in no particular order:

“Do you want to…go potty?”

“Do you want to…go on a Field Trip?” (That’s our code word for a car ride.)

“Do you want to…have a treat?”

But today something interesting happened. I was about to ask, “Do you want to…go for a walk?” when I got interrupted and didn’t get to finish my sentence. All I said was, “Do you want to…?” (and then I paused to look at my BlackBerry), and yet the dog still nearly jumped out of his skin with enthusiasm.

It occurred to me that perhaps his excitement was in the prospect of something happening, not in the specific activity itself.

Those of us who are in career transition—either starting a new business venture or looking for that next job opportunity—often fall into this trap, too. How often do we find ourselves hinging all our hopes (and happiness) on the specifics of “what’s next” instead of on the “what’s now”? We tell ourselves we’ll be happy once we get that new job, make a certain amount of money, land that new client, achieve work/life balance, save enough to retire…you get the idea.  

But instead, maybe we are robbing ourselves of the ability to enjoy the mystery and the joy of the here and now. By focusing on the outcomes we think we need, perhaps we are neglecting some powerful gifts that are here right now—including the ability to “live in the moment.”

Try it today. Set aside the doubts and nagging voice that insists that the future will be your savior, and try to enjoy today in all of its beautiful, mysterious unfolding.

 By Jen the Catalyst
 (c) March 19, 2010

Today we bring you the first installment of a new article series, “Diary of a New Entrepreneur,” which chronicles the journey of our newest contributor, Jen the Catalyst (known in real life as Jen Woods Antila), as she leaves behind her corporate life to embark on the road toward self-employment—and self-discovery. You can read her latest adventures here every Friday on Tripping on the Ladder and visit her blog at  jenthecatalyst.wordpress.com.

Hi!

My name is Jen (Woods) Antila, and I’m so excited to begin sharing my journey with you!

How did I come to Tripping on the Ladder (and to be tripping on my own career ladder)?  Well, it’s a long story: 39 years of learning, 18 years of career, and now here I am, trying something new.  I am going to start my own business.

I’ll be writing a weekly column for this site, sharing my experiences as I start my business.  Some days it’s a labor of love, other days it’s learning something new, most days it’s a gift.  If you’re thinking about jumping off the corporate ladder, or you already have, or some days you wish you would… this column is for you.

I have already learned that each person has a unique path in life and in career, and as a result, the way I establish my new company is a variation on a theme.  My purpose in this column isn’t to share how to set up a new business, but to give inspiration that it can be done, and to provide some food for thought.

My hope is that you’ll read this column each week and leave with affirmation that you can do what you set your mind to.  I’ll share the resources, books and tools that have propelled me; the way I set up my days; and my milestones along the way. 

I’d love to establish a dialog with you!  I need inspiration and advice, too.  So, please engage in the conversation and be a part of my journey!  From time to time, I’ll ask questions and solicit opinions from you.  Please participate–I’d love to hear your points of view.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 18, 2010

My husband Ben and I are both from Wisconsin, and that makes us Packers fans.

So when we moved to Washington, D.C., and faced the prospect of not sitting in a stadium for an entire season, my husband convinced me that we should get season tickets for the Washington Redskins.

Now, normally this wouldn’t be a particularly controversial topic—but did you happen to notice the way the Redskins stole our money and self-destructed in a dramatic and humiliating way this past season?

Did you follow the news as the Redskins owner and front office made a fool of the now-former coach, Jim Zorn—who is by all accounts a nice and ethical guy, even if he wasn’t particularly qualified for the job—by stripping away his responsibilities, and his leadership, one at a time until there was nothing left? Did you notice that the front office brought in a “consultant” (Sherman Lewis – a great guy, by the way) to take over the play calling for then-Coach Zorn? Did you catch how quarterback Jason Campbell was sacked over and over and over?  

I could go on, but I think you get the point. It was a painful few months for Redskins fans of all stripes (even those of us who are actually Packers fans first and foremost). And yet, despite all the high-profile drama of an NFL team in distress, when you strip away the million-dollar endorsements, the big-name stars and the freshly manicured Astroturf, it’s still just a workplace like all the others.

So, to that end, what can we learn from the Redskins’ magnificent meltdown of ’09-‘10 that we can apply to our own professional circumstances?

Don’t micromanage.

The Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder is slammed in the press frequently for his various flaws and faults, not the least of which is his habit of micromanaging. The “PR spin” version is that he loves the team—his childhood heroes—so much that he just wants to do everything possible for success. (So is that why you charge a zillion dollars for a cup of hot chocolate from the concession stands and can’t even bother to pave the paid parking lot, Dan? Just asking.)

Most fans will probably tell you that he means well—but they’ll also tell you that his “helicopter parenting” of the team comes at a detriment.

An article in the January 6 issue of The Washington Post describes how Mr. Snyder would eat lunch with Coach Zorn every Friday in his office. They’d discuss on-field strategy, break down the game films, talk about player personnel issues and so forth.  (You mean the owner of a national football franchise really has nothing else to do but break down game films? Like, how about paving that parking lot, for example?)

And then there were reports  that when running back Clinton Portis, a prima donna in his own right, didn’t like something the coach was doing, he would go running to Snyder—bypassing the coach and the personnel director—to whine and complain.

Thank goodness for Bruce Allen, the newly hired General Manager, who insisted that Snyder put an end to his Friday micromanaging lunches and reinstituted a formal chain-of-command in which the buck stops with him. And Portis has been placed on notice that he is no longer the be-all, end-all, and that he’ll have to prove his worth in the new season.

Don’t we all know workplaces like this? The micromanaging boss. The “teacher’s pet” co-worker who goes running to the boss over every minor infraction. Being either of these people is unflattering, at best, and career-ending, at worst.

Take the high road.

Coach Jim Zorn was clearly in over his head. And as the news reports swirled and as the local press predicted his demise week after week, something really surprising happened. Coach Zorn continued to take the high road. It clearly was a horrible situation he found himself in (and likely contributed to), but never once did he bad mouth the team, his staff, the owner or the fans. And believe me, there was a lot he could have complained about. Even when his buddy, former congressman Steve Largent of Seattle, went public to express his dismay at Zorn’s treatment, Zorn himself downplayed it as simply the comments of a good friend who was being loyal but didn’t have all the facts.

A lesson for us all when the chips are down? The high road is the best place to be. (Not only that, but you have the best view of all the nonsense going on around and beneath you—and it really is beneath you.)  

It’s not all bad.

The Redskins finished the season 4-12 – probably the worst season on record for the franchise, the worst win-loss finish of any team in the conference and certainly a very poor showing within the league as a whole. When it comes to the bad news, that’s about as bad as it gets.

But here’s something interesting. Coach Zorn, who was relieved of his duties at the end of the season, immediately landed in a new position as quarterbacks coach with the Baltimore Ravens. Quarterback Jason Campbell, who quietly suffered along with everyone else during the season, finally found his voice. Mike Shanahan was hired as the new coach, and he has made clear his expectations for the team in the coming season. Owner Dan Snyder has backed off, at least for now. There is both relief and a sense of renewed hope.

The lesson? No matter how bad things get—either due to circumstances, the actions of the fools around us or simply of our own making—change is always possible, hope is never far away, and time and distance always give us a renewed sense of perspective.

Now, Mr. Snyder, about paving that parking lot…

 By Diva Nikki
 (c) March 17, 2010

One of my favorite bands of all time is U2. I’ve borrowed the title of one of their more famous songs for this article.

While the subject matter of song and article are quite different, I think the title works well for both.

In response to my article asking for ideas and suggestions for this column, I got a great question from one of our readers:

“What happens to the column when your husband gets a job? I really enjoy reading your insights. I am going through this now with my husband, and it’s nice to hear other wife’s thoughts on how to keep it all together when it feels like everything is falling apart.”

What an excellent and timely question. You see, my husband has gotten a job. Well, sort of.

About a month ago, my husband got a job offer. Sort of. The “sort of” is that he was offered a position at a really great company…but it’s a temporary/part-time position. The person who offered the job – who, by the way, is a regular reader of this column – understood that it was well below his qualification level. (He’s got an MBA. The position was mostly for data entry help.) But she saw this as an opportunity to give my husband a chance to network, get an “in” at a company he would love to work for…and to be out of the house and not collecting unemployment.

At that moment, my husband could have done many things. He could’ve been insulted at the idea of doing work below his skill and knowledge level. He could’ve demanded more than what was being offered to him and made it about the money rather than the opportunity and intent. He could’ve let his pride get in the way. But he didn’t. In the name of love – for me, for our household, for our life together – he threw his pride out the window. He listened to the offer, saw it for the opportunity it was and said, “When can I start?”

Since taking the position, he’s certainly done his share of data entry. And he’s done it gratefully.  He also, however, has lent an enormous amount of continuous improvement, programming, logic and thought leadership to some important projects for the area he’s helping out. It hasn’t mattered to him what his paycheck level is right now. It’s mattered to him that he’s been able to help people and make a positive difference.

Does he hope this will lead to a more permanent position? Absolutely.

Is he holding back right now because he’s only a temporary employee making a lower salary? Absolutely not.

He’s making the most of this opportunity. 

I told you this article was about pride. But it’s not about my husband’s pride…or even the way he was able to set that pride aside to do something good for us. It’s about my pride… My pride in him for being a talented, wonderful person and husband who is willing to take a chance and accept an opportunity that we both hope will benefit him and our life together…someday.

 By Jenaissance
 (c) March 2, 2010

Each Christmas, I ask for the Life’s Little Instructions desk calendar for the coming year.

I love all the nuggets of wisdom it offers and I keep it on the counter in the kitchen “staging area” (the place where the mail and bills stack up and the cell phone charges) so I can glance at it often as I am going about my day.

Today’s “little instructions” calendar page really struck a chord with me—and I think it will with you, too. It says, simply:

“Treasure time. No amount of money can retrieve a single second.”

Wow. This one really hit me.

A year and a half ago, I went on a family “girls weekend” to Chicago to celebrate my aunt’s birthday, and I ended up missing some of the fun because I was stuck dealing with a work crisis for half of the weekend. There is nothing like stuffing yourself into a corner of the cosmetics section at Macy’s on Michigan Avenue on a crowded Saturday afternoon and frantically typing missives on your BlackBerry to folks back at the office to make you aware that your work and life are completely out of whack.

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

A year ago, I went on vacation with some friends to Las Vegas. My friend had specifically asked me if I could leave my BlackBerry at home this time. I said I would do my best, but I still found myself sneaking into the women’s locker room at the spa in my robe, in between the hot stone massage and the pedicure, to quickly address a problem back at the office.  At the spa, for pete’s sake!

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

Six months ago, I asked my husband what we should do for vacation. “I thought you didn’t take vacations anymore,” he said to me.

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

Over the summer, a close family friend died unexpectedly. Several months later, in the middle of the night, my parents called with the news that my uncle had been killed in an accident—on a highway he traveled daily for a decade. We miss them so much. We were blessed to have spent many wonderful moments with them…but what if we hadn’t made the time?

No amount of money can retrieve a single second.

The fact of the matter is that (1) Life deals us what life deals us, and (2) We are the only ones who have the ultimate authority to be the stewards of our time, in a way that aligns with our values.

One of the reasons I left my job and started my own business is because I reached a point where enough was enough. I wanted to be the captain of my own destiny, and that included having the final say on where and how I spend my time.  Obviously it’s not all “fun and games” all the time – There are still responsibilities and deadlines and clients who need attention. But I didn’t want to miss out on another thing I value, personally or professionally.  

Individuals in job transition—whether looking for that next job opportunity or starting a new business venture—may not have the benefit of a regular, robust paycheck, but we do have an even more important gift on our hands in the interim: the gift of time.  

Take full advantage of this gift. How will you spend it? Here are a few ideas:

Make things right with the people who’ve been craving your time and attention. Maybe, like me, you were working in a pressure cooker, glued to your BlackBerry and dealing with one crisis or issue after another in a high-stress work environment. Or, alternatively, perhaps you were so burned out that you were too tired to participate in activities with your family or friends, even when you were available. If you blew off someone important to you, even if they understand that you were in survival mode at the time, you owe them an apology. Do it today.  Make things right again.

Create a time “hierarchy” list  in which you assign all key areas of your life a priority. If spending time with your kids is your top priority, rank that “No. 1.” Maybe volunteering at your church or synagogue is your “No. 2” priority. Ranking these key areas of your life will help you make better decisions about where your time goes.

Set aside a few minutes each week to call or e-mail a friend, loved one or colleague. Let them know what they mean to you. Even if you can’t be with them frequently, let them know they are important to you—in your own words.

Identify two or three drains on your time and take steps to remove them.
Perhaps you were cornered into volunteering for a project that doesn’t rank high on your priority list. Or, maybe you find yourself continuing certain habits that no longer fit your current lifestyle.

Write down a “mission statement” for how you will better maintain boundaries to manage your work/life flow.
For example, will you promise to only check your BlackBerry once a day while you’re on vacation? Or, better yet, will you arrange for a trusted friend or colleague to be a first point of contact for your business dealings while you are away? If you are invited to two events at the same time, will you always give priority to the family activity or the activity involving your closest friends?

Identify areas of your life where you are suffering from “diminishing returns.”
I know some people who will drive 30 miles to save $1.00 at a grocery store. And while it’s certainly true that many of us are being more fiscally careful during this down economy, are you wasting your time for such a small return? There are likely several areas of your life where you are saving money but wasting an awful lot of time. See if you can’t bring these a little closer into alignment.

Do the thing you’ve always been wanting to do but never had the time.
Maybe it’s taking a class at the gym that was always out of reach because it’s in the middle of the work day. Perhaps it’s working from a funky little coffee shop, which your old boss never would’ve given you permission to do. Or, maybe you simply relish the ability to take a book and sit in the park for a few minutes each afternoon.

We are blessed with the gift of time. And, at the end of our lives, that’s what we will remember and treasure most of all. Why not use this time of transition to really focus on what matters most?