Wed 4 Nov 2009
Desperate Workingwife: You Got Up at WHAT Time? Helping Your Unemployed Spouse Find a New Routine…That Doesn’t Drive You Up a Wall
Posted by Tripping on the Ladder under Desperate Workingwife, Family Matters, Spouses & Loved Ones
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By Diva Nikki
(c) November 4, 2009
It’s understandable that the first thing anyone would want to do when suddenly not required to show up at work is to stop setting an alarm and start sleeping in. Heck, isn’t that 
what we do most weekends?
And yet, there comes a time after that first week or so of adjustment to the “new normal” of career transition when you realize that your beloved spouse might be taking that newfound freedom to a new level. And seriously, if you find him one more time on the couch in his pajamas after not having gotten up until noon, with the TV playing old Star Trek episodes and chips scattered all over the couch, you’re going to have to kill someone.
Am I speaking to anyone here?
Before you get blood all over a perfectly good carpet, I’d like to suggest having the first of what might be a handful of courageous conversations with your spouse about his career transition period, and how he might make it productive for himself—and you.
Establishing a Temporary Routine
Talk about it.
While you really do need to be sensitive to your spouse’s feelings, that doesn’t mean you should bottle all your own. Ask to find a time to have a quiet, logical discussion about how it makes you feel to be working full time knowing your spouse’s day is being used less than productively. Also, ask him to remember that this schedule affects you, too. For instance, hearing the TV going late into the night may affect your sleep—and you still have to get up for work!
Suggest some compromises.
No one is saying your spouse can’t sleep in a little. But suggest a compromise that would work for both of you. Maybe he gets up shortly after you go to work, with the benefit of having freshly brewed coffee waiting for him. And rather than staying up late, perhaps you could suggest that there’s something in it for him if he comes to bed when you do.
Offer ideas for using time in ways that benefit you both.
Since you’re working full time and your spouse is at home, ask (don’t command) if he can help out more with the household duties for now. Remind him that this is temporary, during this transition time, and that this would really help you out. Additionally, suggest ways he could use his time that would benefit him. Maybe there’s a project he’s always wanted time to finish or a subject he’s always been interested in researching. This would be a great time for him to use some time for that.
Together, come up with a schedule.
Having a daily routine has been proven to be psychologically beneficial. Work together to establish a schedule that benefits everyone in the household. It should include some time for job searching, some time for household duties and some time for pursuit of projects that inspire happiness. Here’s an example you could use as a start.
Sample Temporary Schedule Yielding Sanity for Both Spouses
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Additional Resources:
- “Figuring out the routine of unemployment,” Maynard Institute, June 16, 2009.
- Greg Welikson, “Unemployment & Psychological Health,” The Canned, July 28, 2009
- Darrel Giann, “Surviving Unemployment – Staying Positive Through Uncertain Times,” Buzzle.com, August 29, 2008
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